1
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I am Vlad "The Impaler" Dracula,
suck my dick.
2
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:21,860
I am Vlad "The Impaler" Dracula,
suck my dick.
3
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:25,230
I am Vlad "The Impaler" Dracula,
suck my dick.
4
00:01:11,950 --> 00:01:14,480
Super! Straight Fluxfilm
5
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:17,280
The mise-en-scène is magnificent.
6
00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:20,870
I am the screenwriter and director of this film.
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In general, I agreed
make a film about Dracula.
8
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Commercial, popular.
9
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:32,550
But nothing, zero ideas!
10
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,720
Fortunately, while I was struggling with the film,
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00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:40,100
artificial intelligence
took a big step forward.
12
00:01:40,390 --> 00:01:44,390
The video you saw
I did it using Vlike2000 AI.
13
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:47,980
Well, what do you need?
14
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:56,400
Sponsors, producers
and the distributors conducted a test screening.
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00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:59,950
Apparently,
the audience was not pleased.
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82%.
17
00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:07,870
In short, I'll have to film Dracula.
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00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:12,170
And good. It will be an unreal blockbuster.
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Nudity, sex, emotions,
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violence, car racing and a sea of blood.
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Jokes, gags, farce.
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Complete piss, in a word.
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Well, that's it, God bless you!
24
00:02:30,290 --> 00:02:33,290
DRACULA
25
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READER, A WONDERFUL FICTION IN EVERYTHING
26
00:02:35,660 --> 00:02:38,129
YOU'RE GLAD TO DISCOVER
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00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:40,130
(WORDSWORTH)
28
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Oh, a winged demon flies across the sky!
Have you seen him?
29
00:02:51,460 --> 00:02:56,920
He flashed like lightning
To Florya's home
30
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Jump into the chimney and into the soot
31
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Like an angry and fast wind
And he howls terribly
32
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Have you seen him?
33
00:03:08,850 --> 00:03:14,520
Shining dragon with flaming tail
34
00:03:14,650 --> 00:03:19,860
And precious stones of heavenly beauty
Sparkle in scales
35
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:25,580
And the poor girl is whiter than death
36
00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:31,170
And under the claws of the beast her flesh is torn
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Listen to the gossip, girl.
And learn wisdom:
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Oh, young girlish hearts!
Beware, beware of fire
39
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Thank you! Let's clap, don't be shy.
40
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,100
And the fagot can sing.
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00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,980
Thank you.
42
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:05,320
I'm Adonis, good evening to you
and welcome to the show.
43
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:07,410
And it will begin...
44
00:04:07,710 --> 00:04:11,660
from the mystery of physicist Ludwig Boltzmann!
45
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A dead body, he said,
46
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,130
can find a second life,
47
00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:20,710
and it will be opposite to the first.
48
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But the likelihood of such a phenomenon
my dear,
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just minuscule.
50
00:04:27,430 --> 00:04:30,270
Adherents of statistical mechanics believe
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that we did not see this miracle
52
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only because
that they didn’t see enough...
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dead bodies, of course!
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00:04:40,730 --> 00:04:43,150
Law of large numbers.
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The more people died
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the more billions
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the higher the chance that someone will return,
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becoming...
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00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,210
living dead.
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00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:03,090
Ghouls - this is the theme of this secret
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00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:06,890
and a special evening in our restaurant.
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We greet the Vampire with applause!
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00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,729
While Mina, played by
our incomparable Vampira,
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00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:24,490
waiting for her lover
Jonathan Harker
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in his role your humble servant,
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he handles things
in Transylvania, in Sighisoara.
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Rats, rats, rats!
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Hundreds, thousands, millions of rats,
and in each there is life,
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00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:50,760
and the dogs eating them
and the cats are alive too!
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With red blood
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saving life for many years.
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I will give you all these lives,
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and many others - for eternity,
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if you fall on your face before me
and you will worship!
75
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,320
I bow down, sir!
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Very good.
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00:06:12,910 --> 00:06:16,000
And now it's time to refresh yourself.
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We remind you that any
photo and video recording of the performance
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00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:29,930
strictly prohibited.
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You can only touch the actors
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in scenes intended for this purpose,
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and in some cases - for a fee.
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The woman's tits are killer.
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Bravo! Applause!
85
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How beautiful you are, my love.
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00:06:59,830 --> 00:07:01,829
The tomato is gone.
87
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I hope he's not sick.
88
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,460
Mina, my love, you can barely stand.
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Has she really become a victim of the hellish beast again?
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Don't be afraid.
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00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:17,180
I called Dr. Van Helsing
from the university.
92
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Together we will defeat Dracula.
93
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My dear Mina,
We'll hide here until the morning,
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and as soon as it dawns...
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Tits count!
96
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...We'll come back.
97
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But first let me protect you
from his attacks.
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I sprinkle my forehead with Holy water
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in the name of the Father,
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son
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and the Holy Spirit.
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Amen.
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Lord have mercy...
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Hush, hush.
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- The second part of our...
- What a piece of shit, hmm.
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Thank you, woman.
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The show will continue in the Rose Salon...
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Come on, fuck off.
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00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:26,380
Do you want to plunge into a world of fantasy?
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00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:29,800
Or spend half an hour with Vampira
in the Crimson Salon?
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00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:33,200
Place your bets quickly!
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00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:38,100
An hour with Dracula - rates from 1000 euros.
113
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Who is bigger?
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You look
on those long fangs! Show me.
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- 1200 euros.
- For a blowjob.
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Great choice!
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Well, ladies, don't be shy.
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He uses his fangs skillfully.
Well, is it itchy?
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There will be something to tell the grandchildren.
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1500 euros!
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1500 times, 1500 two...
122
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That's it! Sold!
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Go ahead to the Pink Room.
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Enjoy this sex machine.
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00:09:09,770 --> 00:09:14,570
PLEASURE REIGNS IN THE PINK SALON,
WORTHY OF THE HAREM OF HELIOGABALUS
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00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,570
Now suck that dick
Popeye the Sailor, Dracula.
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What?
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00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:33,860
Here.
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Suck it.
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I am Popeye the Sailor
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I eat what I eat; I am what I eat
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I am Popeye the Sailor
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My spinach!
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Play with your sharp teeth on my clitoris.
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Lick me, Dracula!
136
00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:15,620
Now fuck!
137
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,740
Fuck me, Dracula!
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Fuck my pussy until it bleeds!
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What?
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I can't.
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Fuck that's it. Finita.
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Dumbass.
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- Sorry.
- Of course.
144
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He couldn't do anything, he's fucking impotent.
145
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,599
Sorry. Uncle Sandu, again.
146
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,599
Yes, it’s already old, son.
147
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Sorry, this is the first time.
148
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Return the money.
149
00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:54,070
Well, I licked the pussy.
150
00:10:54,190 --> 00:10:58,740
- He worked with his mouth!
- It worked, yeah. Give me back my 1500!
151
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:01,879
Don't worry, we'll return it. Give her back her money.
152
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:02,820
Thank you.
153
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:12,500
And now for the most exciting part of the show!
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00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:17,800
Dracula and Mina are already busy.
155
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They are trying to escape punishment.
156
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,800
A map of the playing field was sent to everyone.
157
00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:27,970
I repeat the rules:
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00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:30,600
they can only hide
in public places.
159
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,360
We don’t climb into gardens and other people’s houses.
160
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:37,030
So don't break into the rooms
to couples.
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00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:41,410
At best you will find
that pervert, Professor Bulai.
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00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:46,990
You can't attack actors
just a little...
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00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,370
Gotcha!
164
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What a sweet boy.
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00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,370
To the start,
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00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,170
attention...
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march!
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00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:57,960
Stand! They have a minute head start.
169
00:11:58,130 --> 00:11:59,670
One, two...
170
00:12:00,130 --> 00:12:05,010
59, 58, 57…
171
00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:15,550
Left!
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00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:22,150
3, 2, 1, march!
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Dracula, suck it!
174
00:13:12,290 --> 00:13:13,870
Dracula, suck it!
175
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,800
Here,
176
00:13:22,630 --> 00:13:23,970
hurry up!
177
00:13:32,130 --> 00:13:35,910
They would rather find us
and this fucking show is over.
178
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,840
They always find it quickly.
179
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,750
There you are, rats!
180
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,760
Hurray, you caught us!
181
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:22,190
Bastard.
182
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,440
Some viewers will be disappointed.
183
00:14:25,570 --> 00:14:28,990
The film is called "Dracula"
but it's not about him.
184
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,780
And about the unlucky actor who plays him.
185
00:14:31,990 --> 00:14:35,500
Sorry!
To quote one serious hero:
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00:14:35,620 --> 00:14:37,500
"I accept your charges."
187
00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:41,790
Luckily, I found a better AI.
188
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,630
Doctor AI Judex 0.0.
189
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,310
From an American-Japanese company.
190
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:51,340
Well, dear Doctor AI Judex 0.0,
191
00:14:51,510 --> 00:14:54,929
connect Vlad the Impaler and Dracula
192
00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:58,390
and place it in modern-day Romania.
193
00:14:58,750 --> 00:15:01,020
I need a bomb. No less!
194
00:15:01,370 --> 00:15:05,280
Well, there must be depth, philosophy.
195
00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:07,570
Okay. Where do we start?
196
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,650
Come on...
197
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:11,490
Something scientific.
198
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:15,040
I want something cool and fashionable.
199
00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:16,460
Got it.
200
00:15:16,890 --> 00:15:20,910
1. EUTROPHY
201
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:28,420
We visited this clinic
Claudia Cardinale and Pablo Neruda
202
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:33,890
Ana Aslan treated Gala there -
wife of Salvador Dali
203
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:35,930
And Nixon too.
204
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,640
Charlie Chaplin visited there too
205
00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:41,770
and also Lillian Gish,
who played at Griffith
206
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:47,780
Many hid that they were going through
eutrophic rejuvenation therapy.
207
00:15:47,940 --> 00:15:51,200
Professor Ana Aslan was secretive.
208
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,820
In Spain she met
with General Franco
209
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,280
but never found out where he lives:
210
00:15:56,570 --> 00:16:01,830
she arrived at his residence
in a car with tinted windows.
211
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:04,820
Aristotle Onassis sent a plane
212
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,210
so that she treats him
on the island of Skorpios
213
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:12,590
Ana was fascinated by his manners.
214
00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:15,680
Good afternoon, Miss Lucy.
Are you ready for a new circle?
215
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:18,310
I already feel younger!
216
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:22,890
I looked about Ana Aslan.
She was an interesting person.
217
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:26,020
How many stars came to her
for therapy.
218
00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:28,229
Even Nixon and Chaplin!
219
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:32,319
She invented this therapy
on rejuvenation
220
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:34,030
with a humanistic purpose.
221
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,580
But its discovery may be
dangerous in the wrong hands.
222
00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:42,080
Therefore, all this is still a mystery.
Everyone here signs an NDA.
223
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:47,540
I'm thinking
that Ceausescu wanted to live forever
224
00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:51,340
and created all the conditions
for Mrs. Aslan to treat him.
225
00:16:51,550 --> 00:16:55,620
If he hadn't been shot,
he would still be alive.
226
00:16:58,180 --> 00:16:59,950
Drink slowly, take your time.
227
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:06,350
Do you want to listen to something?
in the music room?
228
00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:08,900
Wagner, like yesterday?
229
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:11,820
I noticed that there is a scene here.
230
00:17:12,150 --> 00:17:14,200
Are there performances here?
231
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:15,900
Not anymore.
232
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:19,159
In general,
when we had Mr. Spielberg,
233
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,330
he asked to show him the Ceausescu cinema.
234
00:17:21,370 --> 00:17:22,950
Was Spielberg here?
235
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:27,000
Yes. I always went to watch movies.
236
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:28,790
John Ford films
237
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,760
and sometimes even bad Romanian cinema.
238
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,840
The old one, on those reels, you know.
239
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,300
He called them stupid and laughed a lot.
240
00:17:38,710 --> 00:17:43,180
We offered him a big TV
but he liked it the old fashioned way.
241
00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:47,400
I'd like to see it too, if possible.
242
00:17:47,690 --> 00:17:49,360
"Casablanca".
243
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,330
It will cost 1000 euros.
244
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:07,960
This watchman found Dali and Chaplin here.
245
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:11,419
And what was Chaplin like?
246
00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:14,260
The lady asks about Chaplin.
247
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:18,050
He's a bastard. Always bored and angry.
248
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,840
Not funny at all.
249
00:18:19,970 --> 00:18:23,850
All twisted and swearing,
like a shoemaker.
250
00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:30,060
Constantly argued
with that old woman Lillian Gish.
251
00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:32,519
In my opinion, because of the money.
252
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,530
And the amounts there were serious.
253
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,440
And here it is.
254
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:41,240
I saw how once
he stuck it in that corner,
255
00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:45,290
she sucked it... well, you get the idea.
256
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,550
Slut.
257
00:18:53,710 --> 00:18:57,170
- What should we do, sir?
— Robbers must be destroyed.
258
00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:59,430
We can’t, sir.
259
00:18:59,630 --> 00:19:02,970
They will feel driven into a corner -
will go to the boyar estates.
260
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:08,950
And we won’t get them.
261
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,270
Boyars again.
262
00:19:14,980 --> 00:19:17,400
We should have dealt with them earlier.
263
00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:25,200
Yunus Beh's army hung there for a year.
264
00:19:25,870 --> 00:19:27,910
Let us bury the fallen.
265
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,480
Your personal peace is above all!
266
00:20:02,530 --> 00:20:04,110
Wallachia is not your brainchild,
267
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,020
and you are her children.
268
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:08,540
And I am also her faithful son.
269
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:12,440
We say "Vladislav of Hungary",
and not "Vladislav's Hungary."
270
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:15,880
"Cazimir the Polish",
and not "Casimir's Poland."
271
00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:17,960
Otherwise
272
00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:21,220
there would be no states or rulers.
273
00:20:26,930 --> 00:20:28,140
Guy!
274
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,100
Boy!
275
00:20:36,980 --> 00:20:40,150
"Lord, I know about the plans of the Turks."
276
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:46,200
How long have I languished
in this terrible movie!
277
00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:47,370
What?
278
00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:49,490
My liberator.
279
00:20:49,620 --> 00:20:51,960
Sorry, I don't understand your language.
280
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,040
I need your blood.
281
00:21:10,140 --> 00:21:11,930
Drive away the money, bitch!
282
00:21:12,180 --> 00:21:13,270
Grandmas!
283
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:15,310
Come on, come here!
284
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,730
There's a vulture in the ward, but I'm poor!
285
00:21:22,110 --> 00:21:24,030
More fun, grandma!
286
00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:32,910
Leave me alone!
287
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,920
Get ready to suck dick, granny!
288
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:44,720
Stab you!
289
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,000
And grandma has a working mouth!
290
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,740
Granny.
291
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:12,410
What a nimble tongue you have, grandma.
292
00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:15,160
Gorgeous! Let's continue.
293
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:18,120
Japanese technology
and American pragmatism.
294
00:22:18,250 --> 00:22:21,130
Plus Romanian culture.
295
00:22:21,380 --> 00:22:23,799
I was created to serve society.
296
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,510
You helped a lot.
297
00:22:25,730 --> 00:22:27,010
Happy to help.
298
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,720
I want to clarify:
299
00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:30,510
I personally
300
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:36,020
I don't approve of vulgarity
and the scandalousness of this idiot.
301
00:22:36,090 --> 00:22:37,510
This is unacceptable!
302
00:22:38,230 --> 00:22:39,230
All.
303
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,070
Back to my story
304
00:22:42,270 --> 00:22:44,530
in a restaurant.
305
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,240
AN UNFORGETTABLE CELEBRATION
306
00:22:50,030 --> 00:22:52,660
And now the awards ceremony!
307
00:22:53,490 --> 00:22:55,880
Everyone go ahead for the prizes!
308
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,480
Congratulations.
309
00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:04,880
Bring the dishes.
310
00:23:07,670 --> 00:23:09,380
- Smile!
- Ladies, smile!
311
00:23:23,900 --> 00:23:26,150
If you disgrace me again, I’ll fire you.
312
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,680
It's not my fault, Mrs. Georgeta.
313
00:23:29,370 --> 00:23:31,660
Madam, this is biology. It's not his fault.
314
00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:32,900
And you keep quiet.
315
00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:39,120
I picked you up from the street
when you escaped from the mental hospital.
316
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,830
She paid for the treatment, gave her food and shelter.
317
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,050
I will try, lady, I swear.
318
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,550
Or I'll find a replacement.
319
00:23:48,670 --> 00:23:50,260
Piece of shit.
320
00:23:51,380 --> 00:23:53,550
I got us two shows next month.
321
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,680
One at the Bela Lugosi cinema in Lugoj -
for the CEO of Porsche.
322
00:23:58,060 --> 00:24:02,400
The second is at Bran Castle
for Elon Musk and Hollywood actors.
323
00:24:02,980 --> 00:24:04,730
You can't hit your face in the dirt.
324
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,230
— Maybe Trump will be there too.
— Donald Trump?
325
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,480
If so, I'll shoot him.
326
00:24:16,910 --> 00:24:17,990
Yes.
327
00:24:21,500 --> 00:24:23,750
What are you really doing?
328
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,420
Let's run away and do our own show.
329
00:24:31,590 --> 00:24:33,300
Where shall we run away?
330
00:24:34,460 --> 00:24:36,760
To the circus. Let's go to the circus.
331
00:24:37,180 --> 00:24:39,430
Or to a brothel in Germany.
332
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,940
You told me that the circus is tough.
333
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,150
What's better?
334
00:24:47,650 --> 00:24:52,130
The conditions are crap, they pay pennies.
335
00:24:55,620 --> 00:24:58,949
While Uncle Sandu is crying, dear AI,
336
00:24:58,950 --> 00:25:02,750
add more art here
for our serious viewers.
337
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,410
I obey, my Fuhrer.
338
00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:08,790
I offer an insert from Murnau's Nosferatu.
339
00:25:08,930 --> 00:25:11,950
I wouldn’t dare touch such a classic.
340
00:25:12,130 --> 00:25:13,760
I'm a fan of Murnau.
341
00:25:14,530 --> 00:25:16,930
If I take a risk, who will tell me what?
342
00:25:17,070 --> 00:25:20,540
2. NOSFERATU/MURNAU
343
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,140
Tired of jerking off?
344
00:25:25,310 --> 00:25:26,600
There is a solution!
345
00:25:26,810 --> 00:25:30,480
Go to rosex.ro,
click "Fuck me!" —
346
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,320
and you will go to heaven!
347
00:25:35,620 --> 00:25:39,450
You've got a hard-on, we've got the rest!
348
00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:46,420
Do you suffer from anemia?
349
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:49,880
In the online pharmacy "Murnau"
There is a special offer for hardware.
350
00:25:50,380 --> 00:25:52,500
Total 90 sachets.
351
00:25:52,510 --> 00:25:56,760
Guaranteed efficiency,
fresh apple taste and vitamin C!
352
00:25:56,970 --> 00:25:59,890
Blood, strength, energy!
353
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:07,130
Do you want to follow in the footsteps of Count Dracula?
in Transylvania?
354
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,970
This summer
"Marshal Antonescu Travel Agency"
355
00:26:09,980 --> 00:26:12,770
arranges an unforgettable tour.
356
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:14,530
Count Dracula Tour.
357
00:26:14,780 --> 00:26:16,450
Detailed information on the website.
358
00:26:18,990 --> 00:26:19,990
Dear,
359
00:26:20,870 --> 00:26:22,640
you probably thought:
360
00:26:22,710 --> 00:26:26,330
"Why even this goner
do they love you more than me?
361
00:26:26,860 --> 00:26:28,610
I'm prettier."
362
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,500
Away with these thoughts!
363
00:26:30,670 --> 00:26:35,090
Enlarge your penis
at the "Swiss Clinic" in Bucharest.
364
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:36,970
Don't delay.
365
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,840
Does size matter? Of course.
366
00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:42,470
I love Murnau's films.
367
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,390
And I will never do this.
368
00:26:44,810 --> 00:26:47,940
It is unlikely that the audience will like this trash.
369
00:26:48,100 --> 00:26:49,150
I certainly don't.
370
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,320
Now steal that scene in Romanian
371
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,110
from Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula.
372
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,860
— I can’t.
- Why?
373
00:26:58,150 --> 00:27:00,660
— No rights.
- Well, fuck them.
374
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:02,780
This is fair use.
375
00:27:02,910 --> 00:27:05,730
Marcel Duchamp is our lawyer,
Doctor AI Judex 0.0.
376
00:27:05,770 --> 00:27:07,290
Quoting is not a crime.
377
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,250
I can only recreate the scene.
378
00:27:11,250 --> 00:27:12,380
Okay.
379
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,300
Then add more eroticism.
380
00:27:15,620 --> 00:27:17,170
To attract attention.
381
00:27:17,620 --> 00:27:19,469
- Sex sells.
- Yes, master.
382
00:27:19,470 --> 00:27:22,389
There will be asses, and tits, and pussies.
What questions?
383
00:27:22,390 --> 00:27:23,600
3. HOLLYWOOD
384
00:27:25,350 --> 00:27:27,350
You are the love of my life.
385
00:27:27,890 --> 00:27:29,190
My life.
386
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,650
I've crossed the oceans of time
to find you.
387
00:27:37,190 --> 00:27:39,740
You are the love of my life.
388
00:27:41,490 --> 00:27:44,740
I've crossed the oceans of time
to find you.
389
00:28:30,180 --> 00:28:33,020
MEANWHILE IN THE RESTAURANT
390
00:29:01,780 --> 00:29:03,320
And now
391
00:29:03,490 --> 00:29:08,490
Dracula will teach you how to make love.
392
00:29:21,210 --> 00:29:24,050
How high quality
You're an ass licker, lord.
393
00:29:26,180 --> 00:29:27,340
Man!
394
00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:30,930
Try it with your dick, not with your tongue.
You'll suffocate again.
395
00:29:32,850 --> 00:29:33,890
Man.
396
00:29:34,890 --> 00:29:36,350
What a freak.
397
00:29:40,770 --> 00:29:42,400
My beloved Mina.
398
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:49,910
I'm dirty!
399
00:29:50,870 --> 00:29:52,410
I'm dirty!
400
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:55,210
Jonathan!
401
00:29:55,870 --> 00:29:59,460
Even the Almighty rejects
my defiled flesh!
402
00:29:59,750 --> 00:30:02,420
Don't just fuck yourself in the ass.
403
00:30:03,460 --> 00:30:08,300
I'm branded with shame from my butt
can’t be washed away until the Last Judgment!
404
00:30:08,470 --> 00:30:11,510
You will bear this brand
405
00:30:12,060 --> 00:30:14,980
as long as it pleases the Lord.
406
00:30:15,430 --> 00:30:17,940
And on the day of the Last Judgment
407
00:30:18,100 --> 00:30:20,810
all his children will be rewarded
408
00:30:21,020 --> 00:30:23,360
for suffering.
409
00:30:23,820 --> 00:30:27,530
My dear Mina, we who love you,
410
00:30:27,860 --> 00:30:31,580
Let's see how this red scar goes away
from your flesh
411
00:30:31,740 --> 00:30:36,410
leaving the butt just as clean,
as well as the heart.
412
00:30:36,910 --> 00:30:39,410
The scar will heal while we're alive
413
00:30:39,540 --> 00:30:43,840
when the Lord decides
remove this burden from us.
414
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,760
In the meantime, we carry this cross,
415
00:30:48,430 --> 00:30:50,720
as the Son previously carried it.
416
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,129
NOBODY KNEW
WHAT DOES UNCLE SANDU HAVE AND VAMPIRES
417
00:30:59,130 --> 00:31:01,820
THERE WERE OTHER PLANS FOR THIS SUMMER EVENING
418
00:31:02,900 --> 00:31:04,320
To the start,
419
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:06,990
attention...
420
00:31:08,070 --> 00:31:09,070
march!
421
00:31:09,410 --> 00:31:12,200
Wait, we're giving you a minute's head start!
422
00:31:12,950 --> 00:31:15,540
59, 58…
423
00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:23,630
53, 52, 51-in-the-ass-wedge...
424
00:31:31,140 --> 00:31:32,430
Here!
425
00:31:59,500 --> 00:32:01,580
I can't do this anymore!
426
00:32:01,750 --> 00:32:03,290
Old already.
427
00:32:05,710 --> 00:32:10,090
Age is just a number
but big, right?
428
00:32:10,300 --> 00:32:11,840
Let's go, Sandu.
429
00:32:12,010 --> 00:32:14,600
One familiar actor Badiu
430
00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:17,720
people often asked what it was like in the 50s.
431
00:32:17,930 --> 00:32:21,190
At the height of Stalinism,
when people were sent to the Gulag.
432
00:32:21,550 --> 00:32:25,610
He answered:
"The fifties? Great time!
433
00:32:25,940 --> 00:32:29,070
My dick stood like this!”
434
00:32:49,220 --> 00:32:51,219
"ANNALS", TACITUS
435
00:32:51,220 --> 00:32:53,370
Let's spend the night here
436
00:32:53,550 --> 00:32:56,000
Then we will take the train to Budapest.
437
00:32:57,300 --> 00:32:59,770
And then hitch a ride to Germany.
438
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,650
- How much money do you have?
- 400 euros.
439
00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:07,860
It's normal, I have about the same amount.
440
00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:10,440
We'll manage.
441
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,200
Why photos?
442
00:33:16,030 --> 00:33:17,370
For OnlyFans.
443
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,370
I upload it to one site,
444
00:33:20,490 --> 00:33:23,080
and the jerks pay for them.
445
00:33:24,020 --> 00:33:26,710
They pay better
than our greedy boss.
446
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:34,800
Can I give you another blowjob?
If you don't mind.
447
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,140
Let's get out of here first.
448
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,480
Doctor AI Judex 0.0,
449
00:33:50,690 --> 00:33:53,320
while these two are hiding in the tower,
450
00:33:53,490 --> 00:33:55,860
make a scene like a real Dracula
451
00:33:55,930 --> 00:33:58,700
returns to the family home.
452
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:02,120
So that it is touching and tasteful.
453
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:06,040
4. RETURNING HOME
454
00:34:17,950 --> 00:34:19,950
HOUSE OF VLAD DRACULA
455
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,570
Uncle, why are you crying?
456
00:34:26,310 --> 00:34:29,060
- I was thinking about my mother.
-Who is she?
457
00:34:29,350 --> 00:34:30,940
Anastasia.
458
00:34:31,060 --> 00:34:33,900
— Is your mom in the parking lot?
- No.
459
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:36,740
She died. For a long time.
460
00:34:37,970 --> 00:34:39,660
Do you miss her?
461
00:34:39,820 --> 00:34:42,830
At times. What kind of mask?
462
00:34:43,170 --> 00:34:46,120
I am Dracula - the king of the vampires!
463
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,370
Do you know who he really was?
464
00:34:49,460 --> 00:34:52,040
Yes, Vlad Tepes is our ruler.
465
00:34:52,210 --> 00:34:55,130
— We were at school.
- Smart boy.
466
00:34:55,420 --> 00:34:57,340
Here, buy some chocolate.
467
00:34:57,510 --> 00:35:00,390
- Run!
- I'm Vlad Casino!
468
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:10,080
IN THIS HOUSE FROM 1431-1435
LIVED VLAD DRAKUL, SON OF MIRCHA THE OLD
469
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:13,649
Like I said,
470
00:35:13,650 --> 00:35:19,449
about the atrocities of Vlad the Impaler
Tepes is legendary.
471
00:35:19,450 --> 00:35:21,280
He was born in this house.
472
00:35:21,580 --> 00:35:24,830
His cruelty was caused
frantic patriotism -
473
00:35:25,020 --> 00:35:28,530
this is important -
and gave rise to the legend of Dracula.
474
00:35:28,540 --> 00:35:29,870
And the name itself.
475
00:35:30,210 --> 00:35:32,380
The name comes from the Order of the Dragon,
476
00:35:32,540 --> 00:35:35,300
in which his father was a member.
477
00:35:35,710 --> 00:35:38,760
Dragon - Dracul - Dracula.
478
00:35:39,340 --> 00:35:42,180
Dracul means "devil" in Romanian.
479
00:35:42,430 --> 00:35:45,720
He invited all the beggars
mutilated, crippled
480
00:35:45,970 --> 00:35:48,730
and old people -
in a word, extra people -
481
00:35:49,020 --> 00:35:52,060
invited me to a feast near Curtea Veche,
482
00:35:52,110 --> 00:35:54,310
his Bucharest castle.
483
00:35:54,860 --> 00:35:56,480
And he asked them:
484
00:35:56,820 --> 00:35:59,610
"Do you want to live well?
485
00:36:00,070 --> 00:36:03,370
eat, drink and not work?
486
00:36:03,740 --> 00:36:05,660
They said yes.
487
00:36:06,130 --> 00:36:09,600
Then he closed the gate, set the house on fire,
488
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,420
burning him and everyone inside.
489
00:36:13,630 --> 00:36:18,300
And to the people who heard
monstrous screams from the street, he explained...
490
00:36:18,590 --> 00:36:19,710
Verbatim:
491
00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:23,300
"First of all, I didn't want to
so that they become a burden.
492
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:27,510
I also want to save my homeland
from the poor.
493
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,640
Let everyone be rich.
494
00:36:29,930 --> 00:36:32,639
I also freed them from suffering."
495
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,350
Cool. This is true?
496
00:36:34,580 --> 00:36:37,790
Based on the remaining evidence, yes.
497
00:36:37,900 --> 00:36:39,550
That's right.
498
00:36:41,610 --> 00:36:43,060
I'm Vlad Tepes.
499
00:36:44,870 --> 00:36:46,119
I'm Dracula.
500
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,990
Similar to Stephen the Great, only shorter.
501
00:36:49,370 --> 00:36:51,620
He carried out the execution in this way:
502
00:36:52,290 --> 00:36:54,370
he punished his enemies,
503
00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:58,300
impaling them through the anus and up to the throat.
504
00:36:58,550 --> 00:37:02,260
The victim was in a vertical
position until death.
505
00:37:02,710 --> 00:37:05,580
Thus he killed, for example, boyars,
506
00:37:05,930 --> 00:37:08,930
who objected to him
and showed disrespect.
507
00:37:09,420 --> 00:37:11,810
Greek historian Chalkokondylos
508
00:37:12,190 --> 00:37:14,900
counted the number
dead boyars - 20,000.
509
00:37:14,980 --> 00:37:16,150
Nonsense!
510
00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:18,270
Of course, the number is exaggerated.
511
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,030
However, there were many of them.
512
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:25,320
Not far from Targovishte he impaled
513
00:37:25,490 --> 00:37:26,950
so many Ottomans
514
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:32,120
that there was a whole forest of executed people.
515
00:37:32,950 --> 00:37:37,040
He also executed women who cheated on their husbands.
516
00:37:37,210 --> 00:37:41,380
Or widows, contrary to the law
making lovers.
517
00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:46,180
In such cases, the woman was pierced
a red-hot iron stake
518
00:37:46,770 --> 00:37:49,600
through the vagina
and left naked in this position
519
00:37:49,660 --> 00:37:51,930
die in the city square.
520
00:37:52,060 --> 00:37:53,560
For their own good!
521
00:37:53,730 --> 00:37:56,140
Here is his most famous portrait.
522
00:37:56,650 --> 00:37:59,020
There is cruelty in his eyes.
523
00:37:59,350 --> 00:38:01,610
Yes, he's repulsive.
524
00:38:02,230 --> 00:38:05,860
They say while in captivity
in Transylvania,
525
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:09,220
he pierced the rats with wooden sticks.
526
00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:12,120
Complete bullshit, I didn't do that!
527
00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:13,950
Shoo, tramp!
528
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:18,330
This is my home!
I'm not a tramp, I'm Vlad the Impaler.
529
00:38:24,340 --> 00:38:27,680
I was a Warrior of Christ, you...
530
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:29,969
Stop it already.
531
00:38:29,970 --> 00:38:32,220
- Let's go!
- Bitch!
532
00:38:32,970 --> 00:38:36,600
If you show up again, I’ll break your legs.
533
00:38:39,310 --> 00:38:40,980
Yes. Yes.
534
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:48,040
There was a Roman named Sejanus, Seius.
535
00:38:49,030 --> 00:38:52,450
Gaining political influence
still in '31
536
00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:56,910
The Senate did not charge him with conspiracy.
against the emperor.
537
00:38:57,250 --> 00:39:00,960
He was executed, thrown off the steps,
and then to the Tiber.
538
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,090
No burial rights.
539
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:07,350
Family and friends were also killed according to custom.
540
00:39:08,060 --> 00:39:10,590
The daughter also did not escape execution.
541
00:39:11,140 --> 00:39:17,270
Because she was a virgin
and they weren’t executed before,
542
00:39:18,100 --> 00:39:21,310
first the executioner raped her
right on the chopping block.
543
00:39:22,350 --> 00:39:24,370
Well, there were such laws.
544
00:39:26,030 --> 00:39:29,490
How did our hostess find you?
You didn't tell.
545
00:39:30,660 --> 00:39:32,950
I had mental problems.
546
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,070
I considered myself a vampire, Dracula.
Vlad the Impaler.
547
00:39:36,170 --> 00:39:38,880
- Really?
- Yes, it's mental.
548
00:39:39,750 --> 00:39:41,790
And he sat in a daze.
549
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,800
He ran away and lived on the street.
550
00:39:45,130 --> 00:39:46,670
The hostess took me.
551
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,180
At first I was a cleaner
then he started performing.
552
00:39:50,510 --> 00:39:52,950
It turned out it was mine.
553
00:39:53,630 --> 00:39:54,930
I liked it myself.
554
00:39:54,970 --> 00:39:57,680
But the cruelty and schedule are unbearable.
555
00:39:58,000 --> 00:39:59,680
This is exploitation.
556
00:40:00,350 --> 00:40:04,040
MEANWHILE, THE GUESTS RETURNED TO THE RESTAURANT
557
00:40:04,820 --> 00:40:07,820
Participation price is 1000 euros, but!..
558
00:40:07,980 --> 00:40:09,780
It's worth it.
559
00:40:09,900 --> 00:40:13,990
Since those two actually ran away,
like cowards
560
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,620
Now you can search everywhere.
561
00:40:16,830 --> 00:40:20,210
In the final you must kill the vampire.
562
00:40:20,370 --> 00:40:23,790
Yes, we kept a secret all these years!
563
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:26,340
Uncle Sandu is not an actor
564
00:40:26,550 --> 00:40:28,510
a real vampire!
565
00:40:29,300 --> 00:40:32,020
Warning: Police approved murder.
566
00:40:32,110 --> 00:40:34,640
Besides, he is a beggar without a family.
567
00:40:34,950 --> 00:40:38,100
Want to participate?
Drop it on Revolut.
568
00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:39,930
The rest are free.
569
00:40:39,970 --> 00:40:43,730
Don't forget what you signed
non-disclosure agreement.
570
00:40:43,900 --> 00:40:47,689
This is all very interesting
but, as Sergio Leone would say:
571
00:40:47,690 --> 00:40:49,690
maybe a couple dollars less?
572
00:40:50,620 --> 00:40:55,320
Alas, it’s impossible.
I assure you, this experience will pay for everything.
573
00:40:55,910 --> 00:40:59,770
Real Vampire Hunt
It doesn't lie on the road.
574
00:40:59,820 --> 00:41:03,870
Let's catch him quickly
and return to the hotel.
575
00:41:04,260 --> 00:41:06,000
Are you happy, children?
576
00:41:06,130 --> 00:41:09,960
But I want to pierce his heart with a stake!
577
00:41:10,090 --> 00:41:11,760
Okay, let's see.
578
00:41:12,090 --> 00:41:14,140
Well done, kids. On Revolut, right?
579
00:41:14,170 --> 00:41:17,969
What's better than hunting?
580
00:41:17,970 --> 00:41:21,929
Into forests and swamps
581
00:41:21,930 --> 00:41:25,390
In the morning without a care
582
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:29,360
We're going on the prowl.
583
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:33,360
The horn starts to play a little
584
00:41:33,530 --> 00:41:37,200
Or the flock will bark
585
00:41:37,450 --> 00:41:41,120
Our blood boils
586
00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:45,080
Hot key.
587
00:42:01,220 --> 00:42:04,940
Will the chamois rush by
588
00:42:05,060 --> 00:42:08,770
Il doe, we probably
589
00:42:08,940 --> 00:42:11,610
There is a sure bullet in them
590
00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:16,610
We hit without missing a beat
591
00:42:17,240 --> 00:42:20,620
And the day fades
592
00:42:20,780 --> 00:42:24,410
The fire will burn
593
00:42:24,750 --> 00:42:28,540
And the cup walks
594
00:42:28,710 --> 00:42:32,510
With amber wine
595
00:42:32,570 --> 00:42:34,090
Where's the fucking bloodsucker?
596
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:38,430
In short, screw the intertitles, I'm sick of them.
597
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:43,010
I promised the audience
a beautiful love story.
598
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:47,600
Maybe add some sparks
between Uncle Sandu and Vampira?
599
00:42:47,770 --> 00:42:49,559
What do you say, sir doctor?
600
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,899
I installed the British update.
601
00:42:51,900 --> 00:42:55,190
Elderly loser
with this hot thing? No.
602
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:58,450
Need more action
more youthful energy.
603
00:42:58,570 --> 00:43:02,530
And then you'll come up with an idea
a touching love story?
604
00:43:02,660 --> 00:43:05,660
Of course, because love is beautiful.
605
00:43:05,870 --> 00:43:09,000
Maybe we'll take something from the classics?
606
00:43:09,250 --> 00:43:11,710
"Romeo and Juliet", "Madame Pogany".
607
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:13,550
No, too obvious.
608
00:43:13,670 --> 00:43:16,970
I offer something of yours, Romanian,
609
00:43:17,090 --> 00:43:19,220
little known, but deep.
610
00:43:19,430 --> 00:43:22,140
You have many wonderful love stories.
611
00:43:22,350 --> 00:43:25,220
For example, “In passing” by Nicolae Vel.
612
00:43:25,390 --> 00:43:27,060
Set in the 60s.
613
00:43:27,180 --> 00:43:30,310
She's touching, right?
I hope you understand everything.
614
00:43:30,620 --> 00:43:34,040
5. IN PASSING
615
00:43:35,110 --> 00:43:37,990
Duminica felt
which is in too much of a hurry.
616
00:43:38,190 --> 00:43:41,530
There was still a lot of time ahead
617
00:43:41,660 --> 00:43:44,240
there was nowhere to rush.
618
00:43:44,410 --> 00:43:45,910
He was in a hurry through life.
619
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:50,959
The best driver in the whole county,
he worked on the largest collective farm
620
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:53,419
and recently all the holidays
621
00:43:53,420 --> 00:43:57,880
drove a car at a city festival.
622
00:43:58,050 --> 00:44:02,390
Opened the gate
Me with a candle in the dark
623
00:44:02,550 --> 00:44:06,310
While mom sleeps peacefully
I dream about you
624
00:44:44,470 --> 00:44:45,850
Duminike!
625
00:44:46,810 --> 00:44:48,470
- Let's go have a beer.
- Not.
626
00:44:48,660 --> 00:44:50,680
- What?
- Capcho.
627
00:44:51,180 --> 00:44:54,850
— He’s going to play backgammon.
- We have it too.
628
00:44:55,230 --> 00:44:57,440
Stop, Duminique!
629
00:44:57,980 --> 00:44:59,680
Have you heard the joke?
630
00:45:00,570 --> 00:45:03,990
Since we have collectivism,
Baba share your pussy.
631
00:45:11,540 --> 00:45:14,790
Tachioaya goes to beg for Tsuika.
632
00:45:15,170 --> 00:45:18,710
— Her son-in-law kicked her out of the house.
- What do I care?
633
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:23,970
- Guys, would you like to pour some tsuika?
- We don’t have it.
634
00:45:24,470 --> 00:45:27,720
I heard that your son-in-law kicked you out.
635
00:45:28,130 --> 00:45:32,230
Yes, he's a damned imperialist! Myrod eater.
636
00:45:34,330 --> 00:45:36,480
Made with a finger.
637
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,060
When are you going to get married?
638
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,609
Soalka, well, pour some tsuika, the pipes are burning.
639
00:45:45,610 --> 00:45:47,370
Just don't itch.
640
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,290
Have you seen it? I blew it again.
641
00:45:57,670 --> 00:45:59,170
Oh no.
642
00:45:59,790 --> 00:46:02,000
Don't give up, honey
643
00:46:02,010 --> 00:46:05,470
The devil is powerless, but his farmhand is strong.
644
00:46:14,930 --> 00:46:16,600
My poor one.
645
00:46:17,690 --> 00:46:20,440
Let's play until first blood!
646
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,630
- Hello, comrade.
- Hello.
647
00:46:38,770 --> 00:46:40,840
FIGHT FOR THE PLAN = FIGHT FOR PEACE
648
00:46:45,420 --> 00:46:46,590
Who is this?
649
00:46:47,180 --> 00:46:49,180
Agricultural technician from Cook.
650
00:46:49,340 --> 00:46:51,010
Adina Gheorghe.
651
00:47:01,980 --> 00:47:04,280
- Jump.
- I need to go to Kuku.
652
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,190
I'll give you a ride.
653
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:09,320
Like this.
654
00:47:25,550 --> 00:47:28,930
Yesterday I chased this beast across the field at night,
655
00:47:29,090 --> 00:47:31,460
I caught hares.
656
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:33,260
Got it?
657
00:47:33,970 --> 00:47:35,350
Ten!
658
00:47:35,930 --> 00:47:38,520
The management, however, was not happy.
659
00:47:39,390 --> 00:47:41,810
But I gave a couple of carcasses and they shut up.
660
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:47,030
Shall I give it to you?
661
00:47:47,990 --> 00:47:49,610
No, I feel sorry for them.
662
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:53,200
Don't you feel sorry for the pigs?
663
00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:56,330
It's a shame, but they are scary.
664
00:48:01,670 --> 00:48:03,380
But I don’t.
665
00:48:10,260 --> 00:48:12,090
Military, by the way.
666
00:48:49,340 --> 00:48:50,919
- Hello!
- Hello.
667
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:52,380
- What are you doing?
- When?
668
00:48:52,550 --> 00:48:55,050
— After work.
- It's none of your business.
669
00:48:55,220 --> 00:48:57,259
- It will be mine.
- I need to go home.
670
00:48:57,260 --> 00:48:59,639
- I'll take it.
- I'm on a bike.
671
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,560
So I’ll take your bike,
what questions!
672
00:49:05,190 --> 00:49:06,110
Jump.
673
00:49:23,710 --> 00:49:26,580
I saw you once on the hill.
674
00:49:27,630 --> 00:49:30,130
More precisely, half: the second was in the fog.
675
00:49:30,460 --> 00:49:31,630
AND?
676
00:49:32,510 --> 00:49:34,800
I want to see the second half too.
677
00:49:37,260 --> 00:49:38,549
For what?
678
00:49:38,550 --> 00:49:40,520
So that you become even more beautiful.
679
00:49:41,270 --> 00:49:45,230
- What makes you think that I will?
- Believe me, I know for sure!
680
00:49:46,150 --> 00:49:47,110
Well, I don't know.
681
00:49:47,730 --> 00:49:49,860
My sister got married.
682
00:49:50,070 --> 00:49:53,610
The next day
she has become neither worse nor better.
683
00:49:53,820 --> 00:49:55,070
What are you talking about?
684
00:50:27,230 --> 00:50:29,480
I came to give you a ride.
685
00:50:30,650 --> 00:50:32,110
I'll ride my bike.
686
00:50:35,990 --> 00:50:37,950
Okay, I'm with you.
687
00:50:40,620 --> 00:50:41,950
Auschwitz.
688
00:50:43,910 --> 00:50:47,290
My grandfather drove 40 km to work
689
00:50:47,620 --> 00:50:49,210
and the same amount back.
690
00:50:49,420 --> 00:50:51,670
- Poor guy.
— I worked at a bread factory.
691
00:50:53,210 --> 00:50:55,040
I always brought it home fresh.
692
00:50:55,510 --> 00:50:58,720
My sister and I
he was immediately eaten just like that.
693
00:52:11,290 --> 00:52:13,460
What happened to you?
694
00:52:15,210 --> 00:52:16,640
No, what?
695
00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:19,590
Didn't come all week.
696
00:52:20,130 --> 00:52:21,220
And it's true.
697
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:26,850
Tell me.
698
00:53:12,020 --> 00:53:15,480
Unnoticed they began to meet
every evening.
699
00:53:15,770 --> 00:53:17,930
Without saying a word,
700
00:53:18,110 --> 00:53:22,110
they were waiting for each other
in one place and at one time.
701
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:27,160
Duminica began to smoke more,
but after meetings with Adina
702
00:53:27,570 --> 00:53:30,510
he did not smell tobacco on himself.
703
00:53:50,020 --> 00:53:52,330
You know, I heard...
704
00:53:53,220 --> 00:53:56,480
what before traveling
to foreign congresses
705
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:58,980
Soviet writers and intellectuals
706
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:02,860
They rub their fingers with a special thing.
707
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:04,399
For what?
708
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:05,780
So that calluses appear.
709
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:09,260
It's like they're on collective farms
or work in factories.
710
00:54:18,290 --> 00:54:19,420
Tell.
711
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:22,750
Can you imagine me in a dream?
712
00:54:23,380 --> 00:54:24,420
No.
713
00:54:24,970 --> 00:54:25,800
Why?
714
00:54:26,510 --> 00:54:28,020
Yes, I would kill you.
715
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:30,810
Why?
716
00:54:31,260 --> 00:54:32,220
Like this.
717
00:54:33,330 --> 00:54:36,480
I don't like it when men dream.
718
00:54:36,770 --> 00:54:38,480
They always die there.
719
00:54:39,310 --> 00:54:43,400
If I wake up in the middle of the night
and they manage to escape,
720
00:54:43,990 --> 00:54:47,610
I fall asleep again, return to that dream.
721
00:54:47,860 --> 00:54:49,570
And I still kill them.
722
00:54:49,740 --> 00:54:51,580
Gee...
723
00:54:51,740 --> 00:54:53,290
Seriously.
724
00:54:53,450 --> 00:54:57,210
One day I dreamed about the chief livestock specialist.
725
00:54:57,730 --> 00:55:00,380
He came with a bottle of tsuika,
726
00:55:00,710 --> 00:55:02,460
tried to climb on me
727
00:55:02,710 --> 00:55:04,150
and I pierced him with a pitchfork.
728
00:55:06,550 --> 00:55:08,380
So, are you taking care of me?
729
00:55:10,430 --> 00:55:14,140
They laughed, embarrassed,
and changed the subject.
730
00:55:14,310 --> 00:55:17,890
We wrote sad letters to each other,
turning it into a joke.
731
00:55:18,350 --> 00:55:21,520
When one tried to confess to something
732
00:55:21,690 --> 00:55:24,440
the second one just laughed it off.
733
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:31,530
This pretense gave them both
feeling of security
734
00:55:31,740 --> 00:55:34,910
and the opportunity to remain real.
735
00:55:35,310 --> 00:55:37,539
It allowed, as it seemed to them,
736
00:55:37,540 --> 00:55:42,670
build and relive what
what they wanted.
737
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:47,010
For a long time they enjoyed living
in this timelessness.
738
00:56:01,770 --> 00:56:04,900
- What?
— Do you want to go to Sauku?
739
00:56:07,490 --> 00:56:08,739
For what?
740
00:56:08,740 --> 00:56:13,320
Take the milk and eggs -
their car broke down.
741
00:56:17,790 --> 00:56:19,240
Why are you sad?
742
00:56:21,250 --> 00:56:24,920
Favorite horse on the collective farm
They put me under the knife.
743
00:56:26,130 --> 00:56:27,170
For what?
744
00:56:29,590 --> 00:56:30,930
Don't know.
745
00:56:31,530 --> 00:56:32,940
It was old.
746
00:56:34,510 --> 00:56:36,710
Although for me this is not a reason.
747
00:56:40,430 --> 00:56:42,910
And they fed the meat to the chickens.
748
00:56:43,850 --> 00:56:45,400
Do they eat meat?
749
00:56:46,860 --> 00:56:48,040
Apparently.
750
00:56:49,690 --> 00:56:53,860
And then the drunk tractor driver
killed a bunch of chickens.
751
00:56:58,240 --> 00:56:59,510
Terrible.
752
00:57:01,330 --> 00:57:04,710
A tractor appeared -
they began to slaughter horses
753
00:57:05,420 --> 00:57:07,620
and feed them to the chickens.
754
00:57:09,510 --> 00:57:12,090
Now the tractor has killed the chickens too.
755
00:57:19,270 --> 00:57:20,310
Listen...
756
00:57:21,980 --> 00:57:24,650
and did I mention that I’m married?
757
00:57:34,860 --> 00:57:37,160
- Is it true?
- Yes.
758
00:57:37,410 --> 00:57:39,930
Damn me if I'm lying.
759
00:57:45,370 --> 00:57:47,000
But is this true?
760
00:57:47,170 --> 00:57:49,590
It's been two years already.
761
00:57:55,930 --> 00:57:57,140
Well...
762
00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:31,550
Calm down.
763
00:59:49,830 --> 00:59:51,620
She's dead, can't you see?
764
00:59:55,500 --> 00:59:56,510
Leave.
765
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:38,130
What do you want?
766
01:00:39,010 --> 01:00:42,470
I came for milk. Has everyone already left?
767
01:00:42,820 --> 01:00:46,060
Where have you gone? Over there.
768
01:02:33,580 --> 01:02:36,040
The whole car was filled with milk.
769
01:02:36,170 --> 01:02:40,090
Duminike frightened, intoxicated this white color.
770
01:02:40,250 --> 01:02:44,440
Then he was overcome by euphoria:
it seemed like in this unreal place
771
01:02:44,510 --> 01:02:46,010
everything can still be fixed.
772
01:02:46,340 --> 01:02:49,760
Is it possible to drown in a river of milk?
773
01:02:50,010 --> 01:02:54,350
He said quietly: “Enough games, enough.”
774
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:05,320
Yes, nice.
It was a good, touching story.
775
01:03:05,490 --> 01:03:06,910
Chekhovskaya.
776
01:03:07,740 --> 01:03:09,910
Not really about love, really.
777
01:03:10,070 --> 01:03:12,370
The audience won't like it.
778
01:03:12,490 --> 01:03:13,700
Let's do it again.
779
01:03:13,870 --> 01:03:15,580
— Now?
- Later.
780
01:03:15,830 --> 01:03:18,620
Let's find out first
How are my fugitives doing?
781
01:03:48,740 --> 01:03:50,220
They called the police.
782
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:52,620
Fuck them.
783
01:04:01,210 --> 01:04:03,290
- Let's go back.
- There?
784
01:04:04,090 --> 01:04:07,090
They don't expect us to come back.
785
01:04:07,260 --> 01:04:09,220
And in the morning we'll run away.
786
01:04:12,510 --> 01:04:15,720
- I love murder, torture...
- Americans too.
787
01:04:15,850 --> 01:04:17,850
Well no, this is different!
788
01:04:18,020 --> 01:04:21,650
You should have seen it! Putin has given us a free hand.
789
01:04:21,810 --> 01:04:24,690
Not a single Ukrainian will leave alive.
790
01:04:24,860 --> 01:04:26,190
Wagner!
791
01:04:26,400 --> 01:04:29,569
It's hard for an American soldier:
792
01:04:29,570 --> 01:04:31,990
They have media and courts there.
793
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:34,950
Americans in Romania
it had its own torture chamber.
794
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:39,790
Codename: Bright Light.
In Bucharest, near the school.
795
01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:43,750
European media wrote more about this,
than the locals.
796
01:04:44,330 --> 01:04:47,340
But Romania was fine.
797
01:04:47,710 --> 01:04:49,839
It was a secret CIA prison.
798
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:55,390
I heard the Americans tortured with rocks.
Metallica,
799
01:04:56,010 --> 01:04:58,970
Rage Against the Machine,
Britney Spears.
800
01:04:59,220 --> 01:05:03,849
Why is the Romanian collaborator
shamed them
801
01:05:03,850 --> 01:05:06,400
advising to turn it on
"Romanian Rhapsody".
802
01:05:06,440 --> 01:05:07,980
This turned out to be more effective.
803
01:05:08,110 --> 01:05:10,860
We also have a lot to learn!
804
01:05:11,030 --> 01:05:12,610
Was Basescu the president?
805
01:05:12,740 --> 01:05:15,370
No, Comrade Iliescu!
806
01:05:15,490 --> 01:05:17,370
Well, he did the right thing.
807
01:05:17,780 --> 01:05:19,410
Sometimes there is simply no choice.
808
01:05:19,660 --> 01:05:21,240
Imagine this:
809
01:05:21,750 --> 01:05:23,870
terrorist planted a bomb
810
01:05:24,080 --> 01:05:27,170
capable of killing 5,000 people.
He was caught.
811
01:05:27,960 --> 01:05:29,210
What to do?
812
01:05:29,420 --> 01:05:32,380
We interrogate him and he doesn’t confess.
813
01:05:32,660 --> 01:05:34,580
You have to torture.
814
01:05:34,640 --> 01:05:38,720
We need to find the bomb and save people.
815
01:05:38,970 --> 01:05:42,180
This is not torture
but simply “interrogation with passion.”
816
01:05:42,350 --> 01:05:47,360
Tsvetan Todorov wrote,
that the French in Algeria also said so.
817
01:05:48,770 --> 01:05:52,280
They justified torture as salvation
818
01:05:52,570 --> 01:05:55,030
lives of potential victims.
819
01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:59,870
Although in reality torture
They haven't helped save anyone yet.
820
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:01,910
What else could he say?
821
01:06:02,080 --> 01:06:04,330
Stupid Bulgarian.
822
01:06:04,500 --> 01:06:07,330
No, torture helps a lot.
823
01:06:07,670 --> 01:06:10,250
Interrogations with bias, that is.
824
01:06:10,710 --> 01:06:14,510
Otherwise there would have been such chaos here.
825
01:06:15,510 --> 01:06:18,050
The CIA worked with the Nazis.
826
01:06:18,220 --> 01:06:20,220
Like Klaus Barbie.
827
01:06:20,620 --> 01:06:23,680
Russians cooperate too
with the fascists. So what?
828
01:06:23,980 --> 01:06:26,810
They don't even hide it, they don't give a damn.
829
01:06:27,060 --> 01:06:29,260
This used to be a secret.
830
01:06:30,230 --> 01:06:33,610
Have you heard about Unit 731?
831
01:06:33,970 --> 01:06:35,510
Where did that Jap go?
832
01:06:36,610 --> 01:06:42,660
During World War II
The Japanese carried out terrible experiments.
833
01:06:42,830 --> 01:06:45,580
Hundreds of thousands of Chinese were killed.
834
01:06:45,830 --> 01:06:47,080
If not millions.
835
01:06:47,210 --> 01:06:48,440
I didn't know.
836
01:06:49,210 --> 01:06:52,000
Chinese and since dirt,
so overall, don't give a fuck.
837
01:06:52,300 --> 01:06:55,630
But how much in total
about the effect of cold on the body
838
01:06:55,840 --> 01:06:58,180
we learned through these experiences!
839
01:06:58,340 --> 01:07:00,600
In short, in 1945 the Americans
840
01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:05,880
released these killer doctors
in exchange for information.
841
01:07:06,690 --> 01:07:09,650
One of them, Hisato Yoshimura,
842
01:07:09,900 --> 01:07:13,280
became dean
Kyoto Medical University.
843
01:07:13,440 --> 01:07:16,400
Thanks to knowledge about the effects of cold...
844
01:07:16,570 --> 01:07:18,240
Give it up.
845
01:07:19,780 --> 01:07:23,830
...he became a consultant
Japanese expedition to the South Pole.
846
01:07:23,990 --> 01:07:25,830
This is the face of progress.
847
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:30,830
Do you think they said:
“You can’t gain knowledge this way”?
848
01:07:31,630 --> 01:07:34,710
It's the same with the Russians in Ukraine.
849
01:07:54,070 --> 01:07:57,530
I think they got tired and gave up.
850
01:07:57,780 --> 01:07:59,710
I really hope the tricks are bad.
851
01:08:00,950 --> 01:08:02,110
Yes exactly.
852
01:08:02,660 --> 01:08:05,660
People are lazy and give up quickly.
853
01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:09,000
The shape of the pyramids literally proves:
854
01:08:09,210 --> 01:08:14,250
the more you work,
the less you try.
855
01:08:55,590 --> 01:08:57,090
Where is he?
856
01:08:57,590 --> 01:08:58,590
Upstairs!
857
01:08:58,710 --> 01:09:00,380
I see! There he is!
858
01:09:00,590 --> 01:09:02,680
- He's there!
- I don’t see.
859
01:09:02,800 --> 01:09:04,590
Let's run!
860
01:09:12,130 --> 01:09:16,820
I'm reading about old names
Romanian cities.
861
01:09:16,980 --> 01:09:17,980
Which?
862
01:09:18,900 --> 01:09:23,360
You can see from the old names
how much poverty and grief there was.
863
01:09:24,170 --> 01:09:28,620
Many villages had names like:
Pososnoye, Kozyulino,
864
01:09:28,790 --> 01:09:32,210
Moshnya, Dyryansk, Zazhopinsk,
865
01:09:32,370 --> 01:09:36,420
Voshnya, Proklyatovo, Kherovinsk.
866
01:09:36,710 --> 01:09:38,420
Dog, Kaka.
867
01:09:38,920 --> 01:09:41,510
The names were changed after the reforms of King II.
868
01:09:41,970 --> 01:09:43,090
I know.
869
01:09:44,510 --> 01:09:48,440
Other names, on the contrary, are funny.
870
01:09:50,170 --> 01:09:54,020
Ebabinsk, there was the Kurvinskaya Church.
871
01:09:54,640 --> 01:10:00,280
I also remember Klitovo, Pizduevo, Buferyansk.
872
01:10:02,110 --> 01:10:05,030
- How do you like this counterargument...
- Don't touch!
873
01:10:05,350 --> 01:10:11,200
...many villages bore the name Bogat,
874
01:10:11,680 --> 01:10:13,860
because some
the hard workers got rich.
875
01:10:14,860 --> 01:10:18,710
So they were rich
but most of them are poor. That's it.
876
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:20,300
Just like now.
877
01:10:23,800 --> 01:10:26,220
While they are hiding there in fear,
878
01:10:26,380 --> 01:10:29,220
please, Doctor AI Judex 0.0.,
879
01:10:29,390 --> 01:10:33,640
make a classic silent film
in the spirit of Dreyer or Samuel Beckett.
880
01:10:33,870 --> 01:10:37,600
7. VAMPIRE FANGS
881
01:11:24,960 --> 01:11:26,880
DOCTOR CALIGARI
DENTAL
882
01:11:46,630 --> 01:11:50,220
What should a poor person do if his teeth hurt?
883
01:11:56,250 --> 01:11:59,980
Let the poor man tear them out for himself!
884
01:12:06,650 --> 01:12:08,900
Well, go to hell, you bastard!
885
01:13:05,920 --> 01:13:07,500
It's too hot.
886
01:13:07,930 --> 01:13:11,170
And anyway: I asked for a silent film.
887
01:13:11,340 --> 01:13:12,300
I did.
888
01:13:12,470 --> 01:13:15,640
Only half, doctor.
Also in color!
889
01:13:15,860 --> 01:13:20,330
You didn’t specify about black and white.
And by the way, the audience wouldn't appreciate it.
890
01:13:20,810 --> 01:13:21,810
Never mind.
891
01:13:22,230 --> 01:13:25,650
Let's show the audience
something short but catchy.
892
01:13:25,810 --> 01:13:29,230
Maybe we can treat them to a musical?
893
01:13:29,480 --> 01:13:30,400
I obey.
894
01:13:30,660 --> 01:13:34,160
8. BALLAD
895
01:13:34,320 --> 01:13:37,330
I woke up and climbed the vine
896
01:13:38,580 --> 01:13:40,950
To find out that the goats are in order
897
01:13:42,710 --> 01:13:45,330
They licked the salty stone
898
01:13:46,960 --> 01:13:49,590
The girls were jumping on my dick
899
01:13:59,140 --> 01:14:01,600
One groom cried yesterday
900
01:14:03,350 --> 01:14:06,100
Suffered for micropenis
901
01:14:07,360 --> 01:14:09,610
Do you see blood coming from the hole?
902
01:14:11,530 --> 01:14:14,030
So, about the size - nitpicking!
903
01:14:15,490 --> 01:14:17,910
Shepherds - fields and flocks
904
01:14:19,870 --> 01:14:22,120
And the bride needs some dick!
905
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:26,370
The best dick, rumor has it
906
01:14:28,130 --> 01:14:30,380
Looks like a duck's head
907
01:14:32,090 --> 01:14:33,090
Mercy side.
908
01:14:34,310 --> 01:14:36,420
What the hell is this, degrod?
909
01:14:37,470 --> 01:14:39,930
I asked for emotions, not vulgarity!
910
01:14:40,180 --> 01:14:42,600
Sorry, I caught a virus.
911
01:14:42,770 --> 01:14:45,390
Don't apologize to me
and in front of the audience!
912
01:14:45,560 --> 01:14:47,270
He set me up. Animal.
913
01:14:47,440 --> 01:14:49,809
My sincere apologies
914
01:14:49,810 --> 01:14:52,780
I need help from specialists
from Silicon Valley
915
01:14:53,030 --> 01:14:54,990
- Do you need something from me?
— No.
916
01:14:55,150 --> 01:14:58,410
I have already contacted them,
servers are being repaired.
917
01:15:01,450 --> 01:15:02,620
Here.
918
01:15:02,870 --> 01:15:03,910
Stop.
919
01:15:04,700 --> 01:15:05,910
Let's go.
920
01:15:08,510 --> 01:15:11,210
Closed. Let's go quietly.
921
01:15:18,680 --> 01:15:23,930
Dear Doctor AI Judex 0.0,
now that the Americans have fixed you
922
01:15:24,060 --> 01:15:29,230
screen me first
Romanian vampire novel
923
01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:33,360
"Vampire" (1938) by Bilciurescu and Amza.
924
01:15:33,570 --> 01:15:37,610
Okay. This will be longer
retreat, approximately 50 minutes
925
01:15:37,950 --> 01:15:41,620
full of adventures
and amazing twists.
926
01:15:41,890 --> 01:15:45,620
8. VAMPIRE
927
01:15:56,510 --> 01:16:01,890
The night has fallen
your dark blanket on the earth
928
01:16:02,050 --> 01:16:05,100
accompanied by a rumbling,
incessant rain
929
01:16:05,560 --> 01:16:09,230
The firmament was cut by thunderclaps.
930
01:16:10,270 --> 01:16:14,150
Like the four famous winds
from all over the world
931
01:16:14,360 --> 01:16:16,530
chose this mountainous region
932
01:16:16,690 --> 01:16:19,610
the place of your duel.
933
01:16:19,950 --> 01:16:21,740
Like a marathon runner
934
01:16:21,860 --> 01:16:24,950
tired and long running,
935
01:16:25,660 --> 01:16:31,080
The train breathed its last
at Oravica station
936
01:16:32,880 --> 01:16:33,960
Yes!
937
01:16:35,250 --> 01:16:37,670
- Will you have trout, sir?
- Poaching?
938
01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:40,090
We don't have any poachers.
939
01:16:40,990 --> 01:16:44,410
And in general,
catching a couple of fish will not harm the lake
940
01:16:44,660 --> 01:16:47,810
or our clean mountain rivers.
941
01:16:52,650 --> 01:16:55,520
Let me introduce myself. Solomon Bastius.
942
01:16:55,730 --> 01:16:59,320
I sell grain in Oravice.
Breakthrough Sprout Company.
943
01:16:59,490 --> 01:17:02,989
Candidate of Philosophy Corneliu Cociu.
944
01:17:02,990 --> 01:17:05,530
— Studied with Martin Heidegger!
- Fathers!
945
01:17:05,890 --> 01:17:07,690
What destinies come to us?
946
01:17:07,700 --> 01:17:12,460
Baron Julius-Adalbert Wirth
took me as a secretary.
947
01:17:12,920 --> 01:17:16,790
The castle is not his, he is the son-in-law of the late count.
948
01:17:17,000 --> 01:17:20,840
Legal guardian of his niece
Countess Ermine Kollowrat.
949
01:17:21,090 --> 01:17:22,570
But I don't envy you.
950
01:17:23,130 --> 01:17:25,930
What didn't happen
in this damn castle!
951
01:17:28,640 --> 01:17:30,640
Vampire! Let's hide!
952
01:17:30,930 --> 01:17:33,270
- Who is chasing you?
- Vampire!
953
01:17:33,520 --> 01:17:35,100
Vampire!
954
01:17:35,690 --> 01:17:38,110
There's a vampire at work in our area, sir.
955
01:17:38,270 --> 01:17:41,740
-Who is a vampire?
- Don’t you know?
956
01:17:41,990 --> 01:17:44,240
Dead man coming to life at night
957
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:47,990
crawling out of the grave
sucking the blood of the living!
958
01:17:48,530 --> 01:17:50,080
I saw him!
959
01:17:50,290 --> 01:17:53,790
bat wings,
the body is human, but the claws of an eagle!
960
01:17:54,000 --> 01:17:55,960
And the eyes are red,
961
01:17:56,080 --> 01:17:58,670
like hot brass pans!
962
01:17:58,800 --> 01:18:03,090
Under his wings are his hands,
in them he held a strange dagger.
963
01:18:03,440 --> 01:18:06,300
Said: "Come with me or die."
964
01:18:06,550 --> 01:18:09,470
Only he said it
how the thunder roared,
965
01:18:09,720 --> 01:18:12,680
and the ominous cry of an owl promised trouble.
966
01:18:12,890 --> 01:18:15,189
And then he miraculously disappeared.
967
01:18:15,190 --> 01:18:18,480
We ran, hearing after us:
968
01:18:18,650 --> 01:18:21,330
"There is no escape from my revenge!"
969
01:18:21,690 --> 01:18:23,530
What does he want from you?
970
01:18:23,650 --> 01:18:27,409
We made fun of
and denied its existence!
971
01:18:27,410 --> 01:18:28,780
Did he hurt anyone?
972
01:18:28,910 --> 01:18:32,040
Drank blood from two residents of Sommerfrish.
973
01:18:32,290 --> 01:18:34,909
They were from a tuberculosis sanatorium,
974
01:18:34,910 --> 01:18:38,580
couldn't escape
and were torn to pieces by wolves!
975
01:18:38,960 --> 01:18:44,170
Vampires can transform
into bats, wolves and eagles.
976
01:18:44,340 --> 01:18:48,510
This county is governed by society,
whose main members are
977
01:18:48,680 --> 01:18:51,180
former owners or their heirs.
978
01:18:51,510 --> 01:18:54,730
There's a vampire living here
whose lair is believed to be
979
01:18:54,850 --> 01:18:57,940
located in the castle of Counts Kollowrat,
where you are heading.
980
01:18:58,150 --> 01:19:00,710
The problems have worsened since
981
01:19:01,270 --> 01:19:03,570
as Baron Julius-Adalbert Wirth
982
01:19:03,840 --> 01:19:07,860
built a church and invited a priest
pray for the salvation of the county.
983
01:19:08,030 --> 01:19:10,990
The church is Catholic
and the priest is Orthodox!
984
01:19:11,120 --> 01:19:14,500
Nonsense! Give me a carriage
get to the castle.
985
01:19:14,660 --> 01:19:16,330
Sir, you don't understand...
986
01:19:16,460 --> 01:19:19,039
- Let me in!
- It's dangerous there!
987
01:19:19,040 --> 01:19:20,210
Beware!
988
01:19:29,840 --> 01:19:31,300
Run, my black beauty.
989
01:20:08,550 --> 01:20:10,800
Are you Herr Corneliu Cocu?
990
01:20:10,970 --> 01:20:13,600
Jawohl, Herr Baron. I'm wandering.
991
01:20:14,810 --> 01:20:15,930
Welcome.
992
01:20:16,060 --> 01:20:19,310
I don't speak German well, but I understand.
993
01:20:19,600 --> 01:20:21,170
I speak Romanian.
994
01:20:22,400 --> 01:20:26,190
I studied philosophy
with Martin Heidegger.
995
01:20:26,780 --> 01:20:29,400
Your friend from the NSDAP, Baron.
996
01:20:29,900 --> 01:20:31,740
There is no need to address by title.
997
01:20:31,990 --> 01:20:36,120
A title is an inherent privilege.
I believe in the superiority of intelligence.
998
01:20:36,290 --> 01:20:38,500
- This way, please.
- Yes.
999
01:20:38,960 --> 01:20:40,540
Call me master
1000
01:20:40,710 --> 01:20:43,540
Let's get to know each other better - an old friend.
1001
01:20:45,840 --> 01:20:48,530
Let me clarify your responsibilities.
1002
01:20:49,800 --> 01:20:52,510
Stay close
1003
01:20:53,010 --> 01:20:56,100
so that we morally
supported each other.
1004
01:20:56,260 --> 01:21:00,690
From now on the castle belongs to you,
me and the young lady,
1005
01:21:01,190 --> 01:21:02,730
to my student.
1006
01:21:03,100 --> 01:21:06,980
Your task is to organize
available documents and manuscripts,
1007
01:21:07,350 --> 01:21:13,450
and also make an inventory
and library catalogue.
1008
01:21:13,570 --> 01:21:15,910
Wow, the collected works of Edward Gibbon!
1009
01:21:16,080 --> 01:21:18,540
The main purpose of your presence is
1010
01:21:18,790 --> 01:21:21,000
even if I didn’t indicate it earlier,
1011
01:21:21,250 --> 01:21:24,960
is that the castle has
1012
01:21:25,500 --> 01:21:27,500
more than one man.
1013
01:21:27,920 --> 01:21:28,750
I understand.
1014
01:21:34,550 --> 01:21:35,720
Good evening.
1015
01:21:35,930 --> 01:21:39,930
Candidate of Philosophy Corneliu Cociu.
Studied with Martin Heidegger.
1016
01:21:40,100 --> 01:21:42,180
Countess Ermine Kollowrat.
1017
01:21:42,910 --> 01:21:47,230
Sorry for not knocking.
I'm used to being alone.
1018
01:21:47,610 --> 01:21:52,950
But I'm glad to see you
and I understand the importance of your task.
1019
01:21:53,570 --> 01:21:58,330
Crystal timbre of her voice
came as if from a vessel.
1020
01:21:58,950 --> 01:22:03,370
Kochu looked at her,
and her features revived the image in memory
1021
01:22:03,780 --> 01:22:08,740
otherworldly creature,
familiar to him for thousands of years.
1022
01:22:09,660 --> 01:22:13,840
She was like a dream come true.
1023
01:22:14,420 --> 01:22:17,850
Young Countess
Ermine Kollowrat was one of those
1024
01:22:18,040 --> 01:22:21,100
whom we represent,
thinking about oriental beauty
1025
01:22:21,600 --> 01:22:27,360
Pure oval face, as if descended
from Renaissance paintings
1026
01:22:28,530 --> 01:22:31,860
with all his Georgian appearance
1027
01:22:32,150 --> 01:22:36,320
She embodied perfection
human race
1028
01:22:36,450 --> 01:22:38,780
Yes, I am Countess Kollowrat,
1029
01:22:39,200 --> 01:22:41,830
mistress of the castle and surrounding mountains.
1030
01:22:42,280 --> 01:22:44,710
And yet I am more unhappy than the poor man.
1031
01:22:45,020 --> 01:22:49,379
What about Countess Kollowrat,
so gifted by nature
1032
01:22:49,380 --> 01:22:52,670
and endowed with fortune
can you be unhappy?
1033
01:22:53,030 --> 01:22:56,120
Sir, my natural gifts,
1034
01:22:56,300 --> 01:23:00,350
as you can see, there is no one here to evaluate,
except mountain pines.
1035
01:23:01,810 --> 01:23:03,060
Vampire!
1036
01:23:22,990 --> 01:23:24,250
Countess.
1037
01:23:24,410 --> 01:23:25,910
What's happened?
1038
01:23:27,290 --> 01:23:28,370
Ermina!
1039
01:23:29,630 --> 01:23:32,550
As a scientist, I don’t believe in this.
1040
01:23:32,840 --> 01:23:37,090
Only ignorant or gentle souls,
like my niece
1041
01:23:37,300 --> 01:23:39,300
can believe these stories.
1042
01:23:39,430 --> 01:23:42,299
Baron, what I saw...
1043
01:23:42,300 --> 01:23:43,850
...Can be explained.
1044
01:23:46,020 --> 01:23:49,310
Bats are everywhere here.
1045
01:23:49,800 --> 01:23:53,570
And howling like a wolf
No one is surprised here either.
1046
01:23:53,900 --> 01:23:55,690
However, I can reassure you.
1047
01:23:55,940 --> 01:24:00,240
Did you really witness
something extraordinary.
1048
01:24:00,660 --> 01:24:05,060
I'll tell you about the theory
about collective hallucinations.
1049
01:24:06,000 --> 01:24:10,120
The madness of the masses creates a special atmosphere,
1050
01:24:10,570 --> 01:24:12,640
and you fell into it.
1051
01:24:29,640 --> 01:24:31,690
Young Countess!
1052
01:24:32,440 --> 01:24:33,560
Ermina!
1053
01:24:34,190 --> 01:24:36,570
There's blood here!..
1054
01:24:39,320 --> 01:24:40,860
She's dead.
1055
01:24:41,530 --> 01:24:44,029
- Ermine is dead!
- She didn’t die.
1056
01:24:44,030 --> 01:24:46,000
- Call the doctor!
- Yavol.
1057
01:24:52,970 --> 01:24:57,050
A mysterious shadow passed through the window.
1058
01:24:57,170 --> 01:25:00,130
I didn't have time to scream
and lost consciousness.
1059
01:25:00,260 --> 01:25:01,620
Nothing more...
1060
01:25:03,590 --> 01:25:04,760
Baron,
1061
01:25:05,470 --> 01:25:07,260
the diagnosis is:
1062
01:25:08,100 --> 01:25:11,390
your niece became a victim of a vampire,
1063
01:25:11,640 --> 01:25:13,600
which has already killed many people.
1064
01:25:13,940 --> 01:25:17,190
I advise you to hang it at every door
1065
01:25:17,360 --> 01:25:21,280
garlic and holly sprigs,
moistened with holy water.
1066
01:25:21,530 --> 01:25:22,740
What?
1067
01:25:22,910 --> 01:25:26,910
You, a man of science, should be
Such compromises are alien.
1068
01:25:27,830 --> 01:25:29,830
It's mind boggling.
1069
01:25:30,040 --> 01:25:32,710
Even if vampires exist
1070
01:25:32,830 --> 01:25:35,959
It’s certainly not superstition that can overcome them.
1071
01:25:35,960 --> 01:25:40,710
Prayer, only prayer will help
against the wicked.
1072
01:25:40,880 --> 01:25:41,970
Pray.
1073
01:25:42,090 --> 01:25:45,390
Baron, you're not superstitious, are you? Skip it.
1074
01:25:46,050 --> 01:25:47,930
Superstitious? I?
1075
01:25:49,180 --> 01:25:50,890
No.
1076
01:25:51,770 --> 01:25:52,940
Listen.
1077
01:25:53,560 --> 01:25:56,060
I brought this priest,
1078
01:25:56,310 --> 01:26:01,070
built and furnished a church,
so that the Lord with his strength
1079
01:26:01,280 --> 01:26:03,280
drove Satan out of here.
1080
01:26:03,860 --> 01:26:06,910
Don't take me for a fanatic.
1081
01:26:07,280 --> 01:26:09,290
For me God is only...
1082
01:26:09,620 --> 01:26:14,080
arbiter of the Universe, embodiment of balance,
1083
01:26:14,290 --> 01:26:17,750
the force of adhesion between force and matter.
1084
01:26:19,000 --> 01:26:21,630
I built this church for the people.
1085
01:26:21,760 --> 01:26:23,799
For simple minds,
1086
01:26:23,800 --> 01:26:27,890
who need to live in fear,
worship of the saint.
1087
01:26:28,350 --> 01:26:32,060
An educated person has a church in his soul.
1088
01:26:32,850 --> 01:26:34,240
Just a minute, father.
1089
01:26:36,350 --> 01:26:39,480
My fellow fascist, Eliade Mircea,
talked about one koan.
1090
01:26:39,690 --> 01:26:44,110
"We know how two hands clap,
but how does one do it alone?
1091
01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:57,630
According to you, 60 dead and 120 wounded
as a result of a collapse in the mines -
1092
01:26:57,880 --> 01:26:59,710
vampire's fault?
1093
01:26:59,880 --> 01:27:01,710
Or maybe...
1094
01:27:01,880 --> 01:27:05,340
is this the result of your godlessness?!
1095
01:27:05,910 --> 01:27:11,640
Only faith can protect from evil!
1096
01:27:12,470 --> 01:27:15,180
Why did the vampire even appear here?
1097
01:27:15,550 --> 01:27:20,060
Scares, attacks and even kills?
1098
01:27:20,310 --> 01:27:26,110
Because in your hearts
evil and godlessness!
1099
01:27:26,320 --> 01:27:30,070
The church is emptying every day,
1100
01:27:30,280 --> 01:27:34,240
and those who come
still unclean in soul!
1101
01:27:34,500 --> 01:27:36,040
Pathetic little souls!
1102
01:27:36,210 --> 01:27:38,170
They come empty-handed
1103
01:27:38,580 --> 01:27:44,380
without thinking about the needs and costs of the church!
1104
01:27:45,460 --> 01:27:48,880
Why doesn't the vampire come to me?
1105
01:27:49,050 --> 01:27:53,070
Because he is afraid of the Holy Archangel,
1106
01:27:53,140 --> 01:27:57,070
who, by the grace of the Lord,
protects me
1107
01:27:57,100 --> 01:28:00,190
and drives out evil spirits
with your fiery sword!
1108
01:28:00,600 --> 01:28:03,520
Believe in God and you will be saved
1109
01:28:03,690 --> 01:28:07,110
pray and you will be protected!
1110
01:28:07,900 --> 01:28:10,530
Otherwise, like Sodom and Gomorrah,
1111
01:28:10,700 --> 01:28:15,200
The earth will be consumed by an all-consuming flame,
1112
01:28:15,620 --> 01:28:21,000
and we will perish in terrible agony
unforgiving Hell!
1113
01:28:21,210 --> 01:28:25,670
Frightened by pathetic threats
new Savonarola
1114
01:28:26,130 --> 01:28:29,720
heads bowed even lower,
the knees remained bowed
1115
01:28:30,050 --> 01:28:34,600
trembling amber yellow
fingers clutched prayer books
1116
01:28:35,100 --> 01:28:41,600
to the donation box
coins flew.
1117
01:28:44,060 --> 01:28:49,240
Perhaps subconsciously
he wanted to meet a vampire
1118
01:28:49,400 --> 01:28:51,910
grab him by the throat and shout:
1119
01:28:52,240 --> 01:28:54,620
"You are an impostor,
impersonating a monster
1120
01:28:54,680 --> 01:28:58,080
to keep everyone at bay."
1121
01:28:58,540 --> 01:29:01,710
But the vampire seemed to be having fun
1122
01:29:01,730 --> 01:29:05,750
over Corneliu Cociu, avoiding him.
1123
01:29:11,970 --> 01:29:14,010
Stop! Who's coming?
1124
01:29:18,970 --> 01:29:20,180
Stop, I'll shoot!
1125
01:29:21,140 --> 01:29:25,230
If you are a good person
you won't get hurt.
1126
01:29:25,480 --> 01:29:29,110
I'm hungry and I can't contain myself!
1127
01:29:29,320 --> 01:29:32,740
All I ask is
that's three drops of blood!
1128
01:29:40,250 --> 01:29:41,460
To your health!
1129
01:29:41,960 --> 01:29:46,340
Mayor, all these stories about vampires -
complete fables.
1130
01:29:46,500 --> 01:29:49,550
But the case of the gravedigger
proves the opposite.
1131
01:29:49,710 --> 01:29:52,170
Damn drunk! He was imagining it.
1132
01:29:52,380 --> 01:29:55,930
I fell asleep and saw how he was fighting
with a vampire in a dream,
1133
01:29:56,050 --> 01:29:59,010
scratched his neck and made it all up!
1134
01:29:59,430 --> 01:30:03,600
Devil, saint, bandit
or an honest person - I don't care.
1135
01:30:03,980 --> 01:30:05,730
One thing I'm sure of.
1136
01:30:05,980 --> 01:30:11,240
As long as I'm mayor, I'll do anything
to defeat the bloodsucker.
1137
01:30:11,530 --> 01:30:15,160
If he is the devil, then he is not from this world
and it won't harm me.
1138
01:30:15,360 --> 01:30:16,820
And if an angel too.
1139
01:30:16,990 --> 01:30:20,620
But if he is a man,
may the best man win!
1140
01:30:22,040 --> 01:30:23,910
Greetings, father!
1141
01:30:24,080 --> 01:30:25,870
God bless you, my children.
1142
01:30:26,750 --> 01:30:29,039
What do you think about the vampire attack?
1143
01:30:29,040 --> 01:30:31,130
There is no vampire!
1144
01:30:31,590 --> 01:30:36,140
This is the fruit of the superstitions of those who have lost faith!
1145
01:30:36,260 --> 01:30:41,390
That's right, father, but medicine says
that wounds do not appear without a reason.
1146
01:30:41,850 --> 01:30:43,640
I'm not afraid of anything or anyone.
1147
01:30:43,770 --> 01:30:47,020
As long as my conscience is clear,
nothing will harm me.
1148
01:30:47,190 --> 01:30:51,400
Yes, mayor, to those who have a clear conscience,
There's nothing to be afraid of.
1149
01:30:51,570 --> 01:30:55,450
I think this is creation
speculates on popular faith.
1150
01:30:55,570 --> 01:30:56,910
Nonsense!
1151
01:30:57,030 --> 01:30:59,500
No one has seen this vampire
1152
01:30:59,530 --> 01:31:04,199
and those who say otherwise
They just made it up themselves!
1153
01:31:04,200 --> 01:31:06,920
If I had seen him, he would have taken a bullet!
1154
01:31:07,250 --> 01:31:09,880
I would understand how to scare people!
1155
01:31:10,000 --> 01:31:11,420
You are wrong.
1156
01:31:12,090 --> 01:31:13,880
It was snowing coarsely and densely.
1157
01:31:14,130 --> 01:31:19,550
Above the firmament the divine weaver
spun the thread of time.
1158
01:31:19,720 --> 01:31:23,180
Mountain peaks covered with snow
1159
01:31:23,390 --> 01:31:25,930
looked like towers reflected in a lake.
1160
01:31:26,270 --> 01:31:28,400
Like platinum muslin
1161
01:31:28,650 --> 01:31:33,280
the snow was falling quietly,
raising high snowdrifts.
1162
01:31:33,530 --> 01:31:38,320
Greyed fir trees,
like crystal chandeliers
1163
01:31:38,530 --> 01:31:42,240
wrapped in snow
in anticipation of Christmas and its gifts.
1164
01:31:44,540 --> 01:31:45,830
Who are you?
1165
01:31:48,290 --> 01:31:49,830
Are you a vampire?
1166
01:31:50,380 --> 01:31:52,630
If yes, I'll shoot!
1167
01:31:52,960 --> 01:31:55,840
Shoot if you dare!
1168
01:31:57,880 --> 01:32:00,340
Why aren't you shooting?
1169
01:32:31,580 --> 01:32:33,920
Good morning, Herr Kochu.
1170
01:32:34,840 --> 01:32:36,550
How did you sleep?
1171
01:32:37,420 --> 01:32:39,800
Herr Kochu, what happened?
1172
01:32:40,050 --> 01:32:44,600
Nothing, Baron, except maybe
I also fell victim to a vampire!
1173
01:32:45,390 --> 01:32:47,140
No, this can't be true.
1174
01:32:47,560 --> 01:32:50,230
Oh yes. I met him in the forest.
1175
01:32:50,440 --> 01:32:52,350
He disarmed me and sucked my blood.
1176
01:32:52,600 --> 01:32:56,070
If it weren't for the forester, who knows?
1177
01:32:56,320 --> 01:32:58,110
You can examine the wound.
1178
01:32:58,820 --> 01:33:00,860
Yes, right on the neck.
1179
01:33:01,150 --> 01:33:03,990
You scratched your neck, my dear.
1180
01:33:04,410 --> 01:33:06,740
We saw a vampire in a dream.
1181
01:33:07,330 --> 01:33:10,580
And if it weren’t for the forester,
1182
01:33:10,790 --> 01:33:15,130
would fall asleep in the snow and catch the flu!
1183
01:33:16,590 --> 01:33:19,970
Or died from hypothermia.
1184
01:33:20,170 --> 01:33:23,090
Herr Baron, but I saw a vampire!
1185
01:33:23,220 --> 01:33:25,930
I'm not some superstitious ignoramus.
1186
01:33:26,100 --> 01:33:28,100
Let me disagree with you.
1187
01:33:29,060 --> 01:33:33,060
Intellectuals have imagination
much richer.
1188
01:33:33,400 --> 01:33:35,230
But vampires are real.
1189
01:33:35,730 --> 01:33:40,110
Now I'm convinced of his
supernatural abilities.
1190
01:33:40,280 --> 01:33:42,740
I was deluded.
1191
01:33:42,900 --> 01:33:44,740
But when this happened to me...
1192
01:33:45,740 --> 01:33:48,660
things took a different turn.
1193
01:33:48,830 --> 01:33:51,620
"Another turn", yes.
1194
01:33:52,790 --> 01:33:56,170
I'm afraid of a vampire. I was always afraid.
1195
01:33:56,420 --> 01:33:59,710
My whole life is in this castle
passed in the grip of horror.
1196
01:33:59,920 --> 01:34:04,510
This obsession
and made you lose hope.
1197
01:34:04,890 --> 01:34:07,220
This is a vampire, a collective hallucination
1198
01:34:07,390 --> 01:34:09,810
or a skillfully created fake.
1199
01:34:10,470 --> 01:34:12,850
If the first is true, we are safe.
1200
01:34:12,980 --> 01:34:17,400
If the latter, I will find the impostor!
1201
01:34:17,610 --> 01:34:19,730
Priest summoned by Baron Wirt,
1202
01:34:20,030 --> 01:34:23,650
firmly believes in spirits and vampires,
1203
01:34:23,860 --> 01:34:26,690
but he assures
that prayer and good deeds
1204
01:34:26,710 --> 01:34:29,529
elevate a person above evil forces.
1205
01:34:29,530 --> 01:34:31,869
-Has he seen a vampire?
- No.
1206
01:34:31,870 --> 01:34:33,500
Oh tulips!
1207
01:34:35,330 --> 01:34:37,250
The vampire is afraid of the priest.
1208
01:34:37,420 --> 01:34:42,800
Even those who are close to the priest
protected from the vampire.
1209
01:34:43,300 --> 01:34:46,390
This is the divine gift of a servant of God.
1210
01:34:46,550 --> 01:34:49,600
A gift with which believers are blessed.
1211
01:34:49,760 --> 01:34:52,770
Forgive me, Countess,
1212
01:34:52,890 --> 01:34:56,100
but if I accepted this faith,
I would deeply betray science.
1213
01:34:56,230 --> 01:34:58,020
Science requires explanation.
1214
01:34:58,190 --> 01:35:02,070
Father claims
that a vampire is a creature of darkness,
1215
01:35:02,230 --> 01:35:05,530
designed to punish sinners
for loss of faith.
1216
01:35:05,650 --> 01:35:07,859
Then why did he visit you,
1217
01:35:07,860 --> 01:35:10,620
Are you at peace with conscience and faith?
1218
01:35:10,780 --> 01:35:14,160
The Father says there is no man without sin.
1219
01:35:14,330 --> 01:35:17,710
Strange words. A priest is also a person.
1220
01:35:17,830 --> 01:35:22,210
Following the logic,
the vampire must pursue him too.
1221
01:35:22,420 --> 01:35:25,760
Moreover, the priest serves
opposing interests.
1222
01:35:26,050 --> 01:35:30,760
The vampire is the messenger of the Devil,
the priest is the messenger of God on Earth.
1223
01:35:31,180 --> 01:35:33,390
I need to go. It's already late.
1224
01:35:33,560 --> 01:35:36,180
The Countess extended her hand.
1225
01:35:36,350 --> 01:35:41,270
He kissed her trembling fingers,
like the wings of a frightened bird.
1226
01:35:49,320 --> 01:35:53,620
Countess Ermine, how glad I am,
that you stayed to pray!
1227
01:35:54,870 --> 01:35:56,000
Father...
1228
01:35:57,000 --> 01:35:59,330
I rejected the idea of taking a vow.
1229
01:36:00,130 --> 01:36:03,380
I used to think
that my destiny is in the monastery.
1230
01:36:03,630 --> 01:36:07,130
Alone, like a stone around my uncle’s neck,
1231
01:36:07,340 --> 01:36:10,590
forced to manage their condition,
1232
01:36:10,890 --> 01:36:14,100
deprived of family warmth,
1233
01:36:14,350 --> 01:36:19,190
abandoned by everyone
powerless in a world full of evil.
1234
01:36:19,440 --> 01:36:22,480
I found your advice sound, father.
1235
01:36:22,690 --> 01:36:27,150
Take a vow, sacrificing yourself,
youth, condition.
1236
01:36:27,530 --> 01:36:29,150
Think about it, Countess.
1237
01:36:29,280 --> 01:36:32,200
This is a damn place
the vampire won't leave you alone
1238
01:36:32,320 --> 01:36:35,080
that he stopped pursuing you,
1239
01:36:35,200 --> 01:36:39,460
for the Almighty knows
how devoted you are to Him now.
1240
01:36:39,660 --> 01:36:42,499
Think, Countess, about the local residents,
1241
01:36:42,500 --> 01:36:46,510
which only you,
through faith and devotion to the church
1242
01:36:46,630 --> 01:36:49,050
can save you from the claws of the Devil!
1243
01:36:49,340 --> 01:36:54,390
Why do you want
reject God's protection?
1244
01:36:54,760 --> 01:36:59,810
You who oppose immoral fashion.
1245
01:37:00,440 --> 01:37:05,440
Don't smoke, don't cut your hair,
don't wear makeup.
1246
01:37:05,570 --> 01:37:07,320
I'm in love, father!
1247
01:37:25,920 --> 01:37:28,210
What fabulous landscapes!
1248
01:37:28,550 --> 01:37:31,840
Looks like it's about to appear
Little Red Riding Hood,
1249
01:37:32,050 --> 01:37:35,350
wolf, dragons
and other magical creatures!
1250
01:37:35,640 --> 01:37:38,720
Apparently you are more
accustomed to city streets.
1251
01:37:56,450 --> 01:37:57,700
Stop!
1252
01:37:58,910 --> 01:38:01,000
Not a step further!
1253
01:38:01,120 --> 01:38:03,040
I'll teach you how to play a vampire!
1254
01:38:06,460 --> 01:38:07,790
Mister Kochu!
1255
01:38:19,060 --> 01:38:20,640
Countess, I shot him!
1256
01:38:20,810 --> 01:38:22,519
He's bleeding warm blood!
1257
01:38:22,520 --> 01:38:25,350
- So...
- He is the same person as us, Countess!
1258
01:38:25,730 --> 01:38:27,150
I'll get to him!
1259
01:38:27,480 --> 01:38:30,860
Let's continue on our way
and catch the bloodsucker!
1260
01:38:31,110 --> 01:38:34,030
Utile et dulci, "pleasant with useful",
as Horace said.
1261
01:38:45,420 --> 01:38:49,790
The nature of the attacks reveals
a truth like an axiom.
1262
01:38:50,000 --> 01:38:53,010
Not a single victim was robbed.
1263
01:38:53,340 --> 01:38:56,840
So we are forced to conclude:
1264
01:38:57,140 --> 01:39:00,430
The villain's motive can only be revenge.
1265
01:39:00,720 --> 01:39:03,810
But can one person
take revenge on so many people?
1266
01:39:04,020 --> 01:39:07,020
Was he really taking revenge on us too?
1267
01:39:07,190 --> 01:39:08,810
Definitely for me.
1268
01:39:08,980 --> 01:39:11,230
The vampire thinks I'm on his trail
1269
01:39:11,400 --> 01:39:14,570
and trying to take me out of the game.
1270
01:39:14,780 --> 01:39:17,410
Afraid that we're about to
Let's ruin his plan.
1271
01:39:17,910 --> 01:39:23,830
But the crew that brought me here
overturned by the stream.
1272
01:39:24,250 --> 01:39:27,960
But Dr. Geza Wendlin said,
that the merchant's death was an accident.
1273
01:39:28,080 --> 01:39:29,580
He's such an idiot!
1274
01:39:30,090 --> 01:39:32,129
Then the mine manager
1275
01:39:32,130 --> 01:39:34,170
was found with the same cut on his throat,
1276
01:39:34,460 --> 01:39:36,380
then you were attacked...
1277
01:39:41,010 --> 01:39:44,470
Corneliu and Ermina continued
your walk in the mountains.
1278
01:39:44,640 --> 01:39:49,479
The lights of Sommerfriesche were visible ahead,
1279
01:39:49,480 --> 01:39:51,769
while to the left and to the right of them
1280
01:39:51,770 --> 01:39:54,529
the moon illuminated myriads of wild animals
1281
01:39:54,530 --> 01:39:57,320
searching in virgin thickets.
1282
01:39:58,450 --> 01:40:01,370
Later they went down to the summer garden
1283
01:40:01,620 --> 01:40:05,660
where we spent some time in the bushes,
like shy lovers.
1284
01:40:33,110 --> 01:40:35,190
Oh, here you are, Herr Kochu!
1285
01:40:35,440 --> 01:40:37,070
Jawohl, Herr Baron.
1286
01:40:37,690 --> 01:40:40,860
- What are you doing here?
- I'm looking for traces of a vampire.
1287
01:40:42,570 --> 01:40:44,030
Vampire tracks?
1288
01:40:46,620 --> 01:40:50,710
Sorry, but you are acting like a victim.
1289
01:40:51,250 --> 01:40:54,380
There is an infection of mass hysteria.
1290
01:40:54,500 --> 01:40:57,380
You have already begun to fear the vampire!
1291
01:40:58,420 --> 01:41:01,180
“Aren’t you afraid, Herr Baron?”
- No.
1292
01:41:02,010 --> 01:41:05,180
I'm sure all these crimes
committed by man.
1293
01:41:05,510 --> 01:41:07,970
Then why hasn't he been caught?
1294
01:41:09,230 --> 01:41:12,230
Because smart
it's hard to catch a criminal
1295
01:41:12,690 --> 01:41:14,480
when he has no accomplices.
1296
01:41:14,650 --> 01:41:17,820
Only mediocre ones
fall into the hands of the police.
1297
01:41:18,230 --> 01:41:23,570
In any case, he is a smart man
1298
01:41:24,120 --> 01:41:28,910
which remains above suspicion
and I am sure that nothing threatens him.
1299
01:41:29,080 --> 01:41:32,580
Entschuldigung, I accompany
Countess on a walk.
1300
01:41:32,790 --> 01:41:34,460
- Countess!
- Herr Kochu!
1301
01:41:36,880 --> 01:41:38,300
Forgive me.
1302
01:41:47,010 --> 01:41:48,140
What a surprise!
1303
01:41:48,350 --> 01:41:50,810
I wanted to ask, Mr. Kochu.
1304
01:41:51,350 --> 01:41:53,140
How do you feel about me?
1305
01:41:53,650 --> 01:41:56,979
Let me say
what I feel for you.
1306
01:41:56,980 --> 01:41:58,690
I know what you will say, Countess.
1307
01:41:59,320 --> 01:42:01,990
Some vague trepidation
1308
01:42:02,400 --> 01:42:05,660
an inexplicable trembling that takes you by surprise.
1309
01:42:06,030 --> 01:42:08,159
I feel the same, Countess,
1310
01:42:08,160 --> 01:42:10,660
and I’ll tell you sincerely, since the conversation started,
1311
01:42:10,910 --> 01:42:12,540
I've been feeling this for a long time now.
1312
01:42:14,290 --> 01:42:17,880
My suffering is
that I don't dare admit it.
1313
01:42:18,590 --> 01:42:23,840
Human souls are similar inside,
but different on the outside.
1314
01:42:24,130 --> 01:42:28,260
The soul of a minstrel may be
majestic, like a king,
1315
01:42:28,560 --> 01:42:31,470
but only the last one wears
royal purple.
1316
01:42:32,310 --> 01:42:35,600
If you hadn't brought this up,
1317
01:42:36,480 --> 01:42:38,690
my soul would never dare
1318
01:42:39,270 --> 01:42:43,440
put such confessions into words.
1319
01:42:44,360 --> 01:42:46,450
What do I feel next to you?
1320
01:42:46,950 --> 01:42:49,910
Wonderful divine paradise!
1321
01:42:50,160 --> 01:42:54,370
You are the only light that
my soul sees from the cave of despair!
1322
01:42:55,130 --> 01:42:57,460
And this is... love?
1323
01:42:57,580 --> 01:42:58,709
Yes!
1324
01:42:58,710 --> 01:43:01,630
But our social position is different.
1325
01:43:02,130 --> 01:43:06,380
What does it matter to the needs of my soul
to social status?
1326
01:43:07,010 --> 01:43:09,350
We are united in our feelings.
1327
01:43:10,010 --> 01:43:11,889
Feelings are desires
1328
01:43:11,890 --> 01:43:13,639
and desires are existence!
1329
01:43:13,640 --> 01:43:14,930
Schopenhauer!
1330
01:43:15,100 --> 01:43:17,890
The sun disappeared behind the mountain,
1331
01:43:17,910 --> 01:43:21,519
when our couple
having reached the cold stream,
1332
01:43:21,520 --> 01:43:25,280
immersed her hands in the icy,
crystal clear water.
1333
01:43:25,570 --> 01:43:30,160
Splashing muddy drops,
these good news
1334
01:43:30,410 --> 01:43:32,910
wet hands touched the shoulders
1335
01:43:33,160 --> 01:43:38,120
and the couple sealed it with their first kiss
your sudden spiritual connection.
1336
01:43:45,760 --> 01:43:46,880
Ermina...
1337
01:43:47,010 --> 01:43:48,510
Mister Kochu!
1338
01:43:49,090 --> 01:43:51,350
The tavern owner was attacked!
1339
01:43:56,220 --> 01:43:58,270
What's happened? Forgive me.
1340
01:44:00,100 --> 01:44:01,240
I don't...
1341
01:44:01,270 --> 01:44:04,290
You have to tell
so we can help.
1342
01:44:06,190 --> 01:44:08,530
Last night
as soon as I finished work...
1343
01:44:12,830 --> 01:44:13,830
Who's there?
1344
01:44:13,990 --> 01:44:15,540
Poor traveler.
1345
01:44:16,120 --> 01:44:20,580
On the way from Oravica
The axle of my carriage broke.
1346
01:44:20,790 --> 01:44:22,670
I need to rest.
1347
01:44:27,510 --> 01:44:29,380
Please have a seat.
1348
01:44:29,880 --> 01:44:32,430
I'm not used to eating alone.
1349
01:44:32,850 --> 01:44:36,470
I would be grateful
if we can have a drink together.
1350
01:44:39,230 --> 01:44:42,980
I'm sorry I have to
leave these beautiful lands,
1351
01:44:43,900 --> 01:44:49,240
but I heard about a vampire,
terrorizing the entire area!
1352
01:44:49,530 --> 01:44:51,240
Nonsense, sir!
1353
01:44:51,820 --> 01:44:54,240
The vampire is just a fantasy.
1354
01:44:55,370 --> 01:44:58,160
So you don't believe in a vampire?
1355
01:44:59,330 --> 01:45:01,120
I believe in my business and earnings.
1356
01:45:01,420 --> 01:45:03,580
Vampires may exist
1357
01:45:04,340 --> 01:45:06,210
but they have nothing to do with my life.
1358
01:45:06,670 --> 01:45:08,460
Damn this vampire!
1359
01:45:08,880 --> 01:45:12,180
Everywhere you look, there is “vampire, vampire!”
1360
01:45:12,390 --> 01:45:15,810
We've already become a laughing stock
the devil is in his ribs!
1361
01:45:19,180 --> 01:45:20,350
I have a suspicion.
1362
01:45:21,100 --> 01:45:23,400
This is either Baron Wirth or the priest.
1363
01:45:24,520 --> 01:45:29,690
Shame on you, sir,
as you can imagine,
1364
01:45:29,900 --> 01:45:34,370
that an aristocrat or defender of the faith
1365
01:45:34,620 --> 01:45:36,989
can stoop to such a crime!
1366
01:45:36,990 --> 01:45:38,410
Dear Sir,
1367
01:45:39,000 --> 01:45:41,830
priests are born taller than us.
1368
01:45:42,460 --> 01:45:44,790
Tuition is paid for by the state,
1369
01:45:45,210 --> 01:45:48,880
and if they sleep with a woman,
just like you and me,
1370
01:45:49,130 --> 01:45:52,380
the state is obliged to give them income.
1371
01:45:52,550 --> 01:45:54,640
Nobody gave me a hotel for free!
1372
01:45:55,220 --> 01:45:57,430
That's what makes them holy.
1373
01:45:57,640 --> 01:46:04,400
So I'm sorry, I don't trust
to their fellow men, priests or not.
1374
01:46:04,520 --> 01:46:06,440
Don't believe in priests
1375
01:46:06,610 --> 01:46:08,860
and aren't you afraid of vampires?
1376
01:46:09,860 --> 01:46:11,860
You're wrong, friend.
1377
01:46:13,450 --> 01:46:18,200
Today you will call me
ask for help!
1378
01:46:43,390 --> 01:46:46,350
Disgusting meat! Rotten!
1379
01:46:46,520 --> 01:46:49,520
Real scum! Plague strike you!
1380
01:47:04,580 --> 01:47:06,420
Who are you and what do you want?
1381
01:47:06,750 --> 01:47:11,130
I'm a vampire, in existence
which you doubted!
1382
01:47:11,670 --> 01:47:15,930
Not a single priest
no religion will save you!
1383
01:47:16,090 --> 01:47:18,970
Priests are useful only when
1384
01:47:19,140 --> 01:47:23,770
when all they have in their way is religion.
1385
01:47:24,180 --> 01:47:26,730
May the mighty of this world forgive us,
1386
01:47:26,890 --> 01:47:33,150
but God also has times,
when he's dozing!
1387
01:47:33,360 --> 01:47:35,440
I'm sorry, I didn't do anything wrong!
1388
01:47:36,360 --> 01:47:38,610
Shut your filthy mouth!
1389
01:47:39,030 --> 01:47:40,240
You talk a lot.
1390
01:47:40,620 --> 01:47:47,870
A vampire cannot be realized or seen.
1391
01:47:50,920 --> 01:47:52,880
That's all I remember.
1392
01:47:53,340 --> 01:47:57,130
I came to consciousness with a bite on my neck
1393
01:47:57,930 --> 01:48:00,510
weakened from loss of blood!
1394
01:48:04,350 --> 01:48:06,770
Mister Kochu, Baron Wirth sent me.
1395
01:48:07,060 --> 01:48:09,230
- Trouble has happened!
- What?
1396
01:48:09,400 --> 01:48:11,270
Countess Ermine has disappeared.
1397
01:48:12,650 --> 01:48:15,940
- How long ago?
“She wasn’t in her chambers this morning.”
1398
01:48:16,110 --> 01:48:17,650
The bed was untouched.
1399
01:48:17,780 --> 01:48:21,410
A terrible premonition torments me.
1400
01:48:21,910 --> 01:48:25,490
Premonition is useless
we need to act!
1401
01:48:25,700 --> 01:48:28,120
It's a vampire, Mr. Kochu!
1402
01:48:28,250 --> 01:48:30,460
Hush, you despicable slave!
1403
01:48:43,640 --> 01:48:47,140
Nothing unusual, just
a chloroform-soaked cloth.
1404
01:48:47,310 --> 01:48:49,940
- Chloroform?
- This is the work of man!
1405
01:48:50,100 --> 01:48:53,190
Haven't heard of vampires
chloroform was used.
1406
01:48:53,310 --> 01:48:55,480
It's a vampire, Mr. Kochu!
1407
01:48:55,650 --> 01:48:57,190
- I'm scared.
- Quiet, dumbass.
1408
01:48:57,360 --> 01:49:02,030
Everything I see
it is intoxication and abduction.
1409
01:49:03,280 --> 01:49:04,450
Ermina!
1410
01:49:06,080 --> 01:49:07,790
"Don't look for me.
1411
01:49:08,960 --> 01:49:12,420
After the conversations
with our wonderful priest,
1412
01:49:12,750 --> 01:49:17,420
I deeply believed in my mission.
1413
01:49:17,670 --> 01:49:19,800
I will take vows in the monastery!"
1414
01:49:19,970 --> 01:49:21,259
In a monastery?
1415
01:49:21,260 --> 01:49:22,590
Read it!
1416
01:49:23,970 --> 01:49:28,059
"I must renounce worldly life,
1417
01:49:28,060 --> 01:49:30,480
to drive out evil spirits,
encroaching on my soul.
1418
01:49:30,810 --> 01:49:32,230
I'm a damn woman!
1419
01:49:33,060 --> 01:49:38,150
My curse is hereditary
and I have to protect my family.
1420
01:49:38,400 --> 01:49:42,660
Life in a monastery is not a sacrifice.
I go there in joy, Ermina."
1421
01:49:42,860 --> 01:49:44,280
Crude fake!
1422
01:49:44,450 --> 01:49:46,370
No. This is her handwriting.
1423
01:49:47,700 --> 01:49:52,540
For a noble, beautiful girl
life in a monastery is a great sacrifice!
1424
01:49:52,830 --> 01:49:56,460
I don't share your opinion.
All Christians live for the church.
1425
01:49:56,630 --> 01:50:01,880
But the Countess goes to complete renunciation
from worldly pleasures.
1426
01:50:02,260 --> 01:50:04,180
And this makes me happy, my son.
1427
01:50:04,340 --> 01:50:06,140
But what about her poor soul!
1428
01:50:06,260 --> 01:50:10,770
The Baron believes that his niece
She's gone crazy and will take action.
1429
01:50:10,890 --> 01:50:14,060
What measures can the baron take?
1430
01:50:15,060 --> 01:50:17,520
Wants to fight with God?
1431
01:50:17,980 --> 01:50:20,860
He wants the region
was devastated by the plague?
1432
01:50:21,570 --> 01:50:24,240
Does a vampire cause
We don't have enough torment?
1433
01:50:24,700 --> 01:50:26,820
Is he looking for more grief?
1434
01:50:27,410 --> 01:50:30,290
If so, then let him fight with God!
1435
01:50:30,540 --> 01:50:32,790
That's why I came, father.
1436
01:50:32,910 --> 01:50:36,169
To ask you, the wisest,
1437
01:50:36,170 --> 01:50:38,060
find the countess and act as a mediator.
1438
01:50:38,090 --> 01:50:39,500
Find another believer!
1439
01:50:39,630 --> 01:50:43,720
Our fragile countess has already given too much
a lot of your greedy faith!
1440
01:50:44,260 --> 01:50:46,720
On what basis are you interfering?
1441
01:50:47,350 --> 01:50:49,310
Are you from the Countess's family?
1442
01:50:49,970 --> 01:50:53,680
The church took her under its wing!
1443
01:50:53,810 --> 01:50:56,270
I am not protecting her, Father, but you.
1444
01:50:56,440 --> 01:51:01,940
The Baron suspects you influenced her,
and wants to call another priest.
1445
01:51:05,530 --> 01:51:07,450
Mister... Kochu.
1446
01:51:10,120 --> 01:51:11,330
Bless you.
1447
01:51:11,450 --> 01:51:15,830
Did anyone send you
tell me this here?
1448
01:51:16,000 --> 01:51:18,879
Or do you dare
say this of your own free will?
1449
01:51:18,880 --> 01:51:20,380
I dare even more.
1450
01:51:20,540 --> 01:51:23,550
I ask you to find it myself
girl and bring her home,
1451
01:51:23,710 --> 01:51:27,390
otherwise you will see the devil, Father!
1452
01:51:27,550 --> 01:51:28,719
I guarantee it!
1453
01:51:28,720 --> 01:51:32,680
By what right do you speak to me like that?
1454
01:51:32,810 --> 01:51:37,310
By the right of love and justice!
1455
01:51:42,820 --> 01:51:44,030
Here you are...
1456
01:51:45,360 --> 01:51:47,860
talk about love, Mr. Kochu.
1457
01:51:48,990 --> 01:51:52,030
Have you ever thought about
does the countess love you?
1458
01:51:53,080 --> 01:51:56,870
If not, you are needlessly scaring the fish.
1459
01:51:57,040 --> 01:52:00,290
You know what, Father?
I will come to you more often
1460
01:52:00,540 --> 01:52:04,020
to learn the art of charm,
and she loves me so much
1461
01:52:04,040 --> 01:52:07,930
as he loves, thanks
to your inspiration, church!
1462
01:52:08,090 --> 01:52:10,140
Please excuse me!
1463
01:52:14,600 --> 01:52:18,730
Melancholy gripped the soul of Corneliu Cociu.
1464
01:52:18,890 --> 01:52:22,310
His life seemed bleak to him.
1465
01:52:22,480 --> 01:52:27,410
Only once did fate favor him;
1466
01:52:27,430 --> 01:52:33,160
but now he saw that even he
a glimmer of good fortune led to disaster.
1467
01:52:33,490 --> 01:52:36,080
Endless Abyss
grew and grew in his soul.
1468
01:52:36,200 --> 01:52:38,330
One day it seemed to me...
1469
01:52:38,580 --> 01:52:40,080
He thought...
1470
01:52:40,330 --> 01:52:45,420
...That you don’t have to fight
and live in peace with the whole world.
1471
01:53:19,910 --> 01:53:21,790
Are you still alive?
1472
01:53:21,920 --> 01:53:27,960
I'm alive and I won't die until I trample
soil on your grave!
1473
01:53:28,670 --> 01:53:29,880
What do you want?
1474
01:53:30,050 --> 01:53:32,720
You are an idle brat
I'll make you serve something
1475
01:53:32,970 --> 01:53:36,850
more worthy than your life!
1476
01:53:37,180 --> 01:53:41,140
Body and soul
you will be connected to me.
1477
01:53:41,440 --> 01:53:43,940
You will do as I command!
1478
01:53:44,060 --> 01:53:45,149
Ermina!
1479
01:53:45,150 --> 01:53:46,570
Yes, lord.
1480
01:53:46,730 --> 01:53:49,610
Show me how much you love me.
1481
01:53:51,030 --> 01:53:52,910
Leave her alone, you bastard!
1482
01:53:54,200 --> 01:53:56,660
And get ready for death!
1483
01:53:56,780 --> 01:54:00,960
I'm ready, but you deprived me
I have the right to defend myself!
1484
01:54:02,870 --> 01:54:06,040
Is this how you talk to the archangel?
1485
01:54:06,340 --> 01:54:08,800
Are you an archangel?
Then I will become one myself tomorrow!
1486
01:54:08,920 --> 01:54:11,300
Tomorrow you will be in your grave!
1487
01:54:11,630 --> 01:54:13,510
What have I done to you?
1488
01:54:14,300 --> 01:54:16,719
You know too much
and must die.
1489
01:54:16,720 --> 01:54:19,470
You interfered in my affairs.
1490
01:54:19,640 --> 01:54:23,600
Until you came
nothing bothered me
1491
01:54:23,770 --> 01:54:27,059
and no one rebelled against me!
1492
01:54:27,060 --> 01:54:31,030
-Are you a vampire?
- Yes, I'm a vampire!
1493
01:54:31,280 --> 01:54:33,780
Are you happy, my little friend?
1494
01:54:35,450 --> 01:54:37,620
You shouldn't have made me angry!
1495
01:54:37,870 --> 01:54:44,210
A weak mortal is not allowed
interfere with the supernatural.
1496
01:54:44,370 --> 01:54:46,170
Bastard! Ermina!
1497
01:54:46,330 --> 01:54:48,500
I'm a demigod!
1498
01:54:48,710 --> 01:54:52,670
I would be content to become a superman.
1499
01:54:52,920 --> 01:54:58,680
Having failed to do this,
I must create a superior form.
1500
01:54:58,930 --> 01:55:03,930
But God who supports
pathetic people
1501
01:55:04,560 --> 01:55:07,610
came into conflict with Beelzebub!
1502
01:55:07,980 --> 01:55:11,980
After a long struggle, Hell defeated God.
1503
01:55:12,150 --> 01:55:16,490
Instead of
to be the highest force for good,
1504
01:55:16,740 --> 01:55:22,240
I'm just a harbinger of evil
and Beelzebub's revenge!
1505
01:55:22,540 --> 01:55:26,670
I want you to know that God is powerless
1506
01:55:26,870 --> 01:55:31,590
and nothing can resist the will of Hell!
1507
01:55:32,000 --> 01:55:37,930
My plan was
to spread terror on this earth,
1508
01:55:38,050 --> 01:55:41,700
and I succeeded in this using
superstition and cowardice of local residents,
1509
01:55:41,720 --> 01:55:43,559
killing several of them!
1510
01:55:43,560 --> 01:55:47,390
I have achieved success, I am the owner of this land!
1511
01:55:47,900 --> 01:55:51,610
I control everyone's destinies
1512
01:55:51,860 --> 01:55:55,070
I, the messenger of Beelzebub!
1513
01:55:55,440 --> 01:55:58,069
I, the archangel of evil,
1514
01:55:58,070 --> 01:56:03,620
I, the maestro of murder, terror and revenge!
1515
01:56:03,790 --> 01:56:07,810
I dream of leading humanity
1516
01:56:07,840 --> 01:56:12,670
to a new religion, the religion of Beelzebub!
1517
01:56:47,040 --> 01:56:51,580
Beelzebub!
1518
01:57:08,100 --> 01:57:10,350
Oh god, what am I doing here?
1519
01:57:10,690 --> 01:57:13,230
You are hypnotized by this geek!
1520
01:57:20,700 --> 01:57:22,280
Priest!
1521
01:57:22,450 --> 01:57:24,320
Rest in peace, father.
1522
01:57:30,160 --> 01:57:34,330
How will you respond on Judgment Day?
for the murder of a poor priest?
1523
01:57:34,500 --> 01:57:36,750
I take full responsibility
1524
01:57:36,880 --> 01:57:42,010
for killing him
who killed so many of his fellows!
1525
01:57:42,180 --> 01:57:45,000
I saved the soul of Ermine Kollowrat,
1526
01:57:45,150 --> 01:57:50,310
whom I love madly,
and saved her a large fortune!
1527
01:57:51,730 --> 01:57:54,400
I love you Mr. Kochu!
1528
01:58:17,170 --> 01:58:18,340
Not bad!
1529
01:58:18,500 --> 01:58:21,760
That idiot Kochu looks an awful lot like me.
1530
01:58:21,920 --> 01:58:23,930
But it was painfully heteronormative.
1531
01:58:24,090 --> 01:58:28,560
What about lesbian vampires?
biting each other's pussy?
1532
01:58:28,890 --> 01:58:33,010
I'm missing an important update.
I was created for the Eastern European market.
1533
01:58:33,030 --> 01:58:39,570
Okay, but you could add Romanian
fascists, anti-Semites, Nae Ionescu...
1534
01:58:39,980 --> 01:58:43,950
— Trump and Elon will be angry.
- Got you.
1535
01:58:44,740 --> 01:58:47,060
Now let's get back to my story.
1536
01:58:49,620 --> 01:58:51,750
- Look!
- Bastards!
1537
01:58:52,080 --> 01:58:54,040
Get him wet!
1538
01:59:15,440 --> 01:59:17,810
Uncle Sandu, Vampira, wait!
1539
01:59:22,530 --> 01:59:23,990
I'll do it.
1540
01:59:24,190 --> 01:59:27,320
Ich will, as he says
fucking rapist from Rammstein.
1541
01:59:32,660 --> 01:59:34,659
In the vampire's pussy!
1542
01:59:34,660 --> 01:59:36,580
I'll fucking kill you!
1543
01:59:37,000 --> 01:59:39,500
Listen, they seem to be true
they want to kill you.
1544
01:59:42,340 --> 01:59:43,630
It looks like it.
1545
01:59:44,210 --> 01:59:47,970
Scum. And they are pretending
pious Christians.
1546
01:59:48,680 --> 01:59:50,390
Not the Japanese, but everyone else.
1547
01:59:59,020 --> 02:00:02,070
There is a joke about two tourists,
1548
02:00:02,860 --> 02:00:04,820
met a bear in the forest.
1549
02:00:05,320 --> 02:00:07,820
One is putting on his shoes in a hurry,
another asks:
1550
02:00:08,070 --> 02:00:12,450
"Think you can outrun a bear?"
1551
02:00:13,620 --> 02:00:18,000
“No,” the guy answers.
“I just need to overtake you!”
1552
02:00:19,750 --> 02:00:20,920
Funny.
1553
02:00:27,260 --> 02:00:29,380
We'll catch him soon, baby.
1554
02:00:29,510 --> 02:00:32,140
You want to pierce his heart with a stake?
1555
02:00:32,260 --> 02:00:34,720
- I'm already tired!
- I'll fall asleep now!
1556
02:00:34,890 --> 02:00:37,390
Then we'll take you
to the hotel and back.
1557
02:00:37,520 --> 02:00:39,939
- I'm scared.
-What are you afraid of?
1558
02:00:39,940 --> 02:00:41,480
Vampire.
1559
02:00:41,650 --> 02:00:45,400
“Then let’s finish the bastard.”
- I can't run anymore!
1560
02:00:45,690 --> 02:00:48,780
I'm so tired, maybe we'll catch him tomorrow?
1561
02:00:49,240 --> 02:00:52,710
Tomorrow he will run away. Let's go!
1562
02:00:56,330 --> 02:00:58,250
Let's kill the vampire.
1563
02:00:58,580 --> 02:01:01,520
WILL BE BUILT HERE
"DRACULA PARK" (MINISTRY OF TOURISM)
1564
02:01:01,540 --> 02:01:03,040
What is it?
1565
02:01:03,750 --> 02:01:05,250
Where did this come from?
1566
02:01:05,880 --> 02:01:07,920
Yes, it's a scam.
1567
02:01:08,970 --> 02:01:10,010
I'll show you now.
1568
02:01:11,590 --> 02:01:15,220
Guest house under construction
and a broken website -
1569
02:01:15,240 --> 02:01:20,440
all that remains of "Dracula Park"
grandiose project worth 30 million dollars
1570
02:01:20,640 --> 02:01:23,480
started by Romanian
government in 2001
1571
02:01:23,810 --> 02:01:27,900
It was supposed to be the most spectacular
entertainment establishment in Romania.
1572
02:01:28,110 --> 02:01:32,319
More than 13,000 Romanians do not know
where did their money go after
1573
02:01:32,320 --> 02:01:35,030
how they bought the shares
"Dracula Park" in 2001.
1574
02:01:35,200 --> 02:01:38,660
I was even
at the tourism exhibition in Berlin.
1575
02:01:38,830 --> 02:01:40,080
When?
1576
02:01:40,370 --> 02:01:42,330
When was the exhibition?
1577
02:01:42,500 --> 02:01:44,040
A few years ago.
1578
02:01:44,750 --> 02:01:49,920
I was there when the government
presented this scam with Dracula Park.
1579
02:01:50,800 --> 02:01:52,970
People bought shares and then
1580
02:01:53,430 --> 02:01:57,010
no park was built,
no money was returned.
1581
02:01:57,390 --> 02:02:00,140
They were robbed and raped.
1582
02:02:02,440 --> 02:02:04,350
And how was the presentation?
1583
02:02:04,730 --> 02:02:06,230
Nothing special.
1584
02:02:06,400 --> 02:02:09,360
We waited in coffins
me and the horny old actor.
1585
02:02:09,530 --> 02:02:11,240
- Like you.
- Good.
1586
02:02:11,360 --> 02:02:15,620
Periodically we jumped out
1587
02:02:15,780 --> 02:02:18,200
and shouted to the people:
"Invest in Dracula Park!"
1588
02:02:20,540 --> 02:02:23,960
True then in Berlin
We screwed up big time.
1589
02:02:24,420 --> 02:02:26,440
They wanted a banner
1590
02:02:26,460 --> 02:02:30,580
with the inscription "Capital of Dracula",
Capitala lui Dracula,
1591
02:02:31,010 --> 02:02:33,760
and they wrote Kapital,
like Marx's Capital.
1592
02:02:35,840 --> 02:02:37,300
But it worked.
1593
02:02:37,430 --> 02:02:39,390
Do you know what Marx said?
1594
02:02:40,310 --> 02:02:43,230
"Capital is dead labor.
1595
02:02:43,440 --> 02:02:48,230
Like a vampire he lives
sucking the labor out of the living.
1596
02:02:48,400 --> 02:02:51,280
And the more he lives,
the more labor it sucks."
1597
02:02:51,570 --> 02:02:53,030
Like me.
1598
02:02:54,320 --> 02:02:57,410
Nope it's capitalist
sticking the vampire cliché everywhere,
1599
02:02:57,570 --> 02:03:01,160
especially these vile intellectuals,
1600
02:03:01,370 --> 02:03:05,370
who think that if they read
a little Marx and Franco Moretti,
1601
02:03:05,540 --> 02:03:09,750
then they can wave these ideas,
as if they invented them.
1602
02:03:10,000 --> 02:03:13,220
Like for example
about Frankenstein's monster,
1603
02:03:13,340 --> 02:03:16,550
which represents the working class,
created by the bourgeoisie.
1604
02:03:17,340 --> 02:03:22,160
So let's create
cool digression about Dracula,
1605
02:03:22,190 --> 02:03:24,770
greedy capitalist.
1606
02:03:25,600 --> 02:03:28,840
11. CAPITAL
1607
02:03:35,110 --> 02:03:36,530
Wagons were produced here.
1608
02:03:37,950 --> 02:03:39,120
The plant went bankrupt.
1609
02:03:39,620 --> 02:03:43,750
In 1933 there was a famous strike here.
1610
02:03:44,120 --> 02:03:45,710
The police shot at the strikers.
1611
02:03:46,620 --> 02:03:50,750
— By order of the liberal government.
- Great! Lazy bastards!
1612
02:03:50,920 --> 02:03:52,130
I think so too.
1613
02:03:52,460 --> 02:03:54,920
It seems there is a strike
was supported by the USSR.
1614
02:03:55,090 --> 02:03:56,800
Another good reason!
1615
02:03:57,720 --> 02:04:01,560
The company I'm selling
plays video games.
1616
02:04:01,680 --> 02:04:03,770
You know, all this Grail madness.
1617
02:04:03,930 --> 02:04:05,430
No, I don't know.
1618
02:04:05,730 --> 02:04:09,940
This international game you are playing
a lot of time online, searching for the Grail,
1619
02:04:10,060 --> 02:04:13,610
and get the loot,
like swords and stuff.
1620
02:04:14,360 --> 02:04:19,820
Our company sells time
online and earned tokens.
1621
02:04:20,160 --> 02:04:23,030
And the one who finds the Grail,
will receive 100 million.
1622
02:04:23,160 --> 02:04:24,700
Don't pour dollars.
1623
02:04:26,410 --> 02:04:28,870
I still don't understand
what are you doing?
1624
02:04:29,040 --> 02:04:34,880
Let's say an American wants
reach level 2 in the game.
1625
02:04:35,130 --> 02:04:38,680
Even two months of gaming
there may not be enough time.
1626
02:04:39,180 --> 02:04:44,350
Our employee plays
then we sell the account to the American.
1627
02:04:44,510 --> 02:04:48,350
So he can start right away
from level 2 or 3, maximum - 100.
1628
02:04:49,690 --> 02:04:52,730
- So you pay them to play!
- Exactly.
1629
02:04:52,940 --> 02:04:56,530
It's tiring
they play and are still unhappy!
1630
02:04:57,110 --> 02:04:58,320
Lazy people.
1631
02:04:58,450 --> 02:04:59,780
Can I ask?
1632
02:05:01,240 --> 02:05:05,120
Famous striker in 1933,
who activated the siren,
1633
02:05:05,240 --> 02:05:10,500
Did he grab her by the tail or by the tits?
1634
02:05:10,750 --> 02:05:12,120
Haha, funny.
1635
02:05:12,130 --> 02:05:15,130
I will teach these employees what's what!
1636
02:05:15,300 --> 02:05:17,050
I'll show them stimulation!
1637
02:05:20,130 --> 02:05:26,230
I want to prove that the Romanian
DNA is not carved in stone
1638
02:05:27,470 --> 02:05:28,730
it can be changed.
1639
02:05:29,390 --> 02:05:33,060
We know our Romanian habits.
I want to change them.
1640
02:05:33,810 --> 02:05:35,070
For the better!
1641
02:05:35,480 --> 02:05:40,020
We are working overtime today
not just for
1642
02:05:40,050 --> 02:05:42,450
to optimize company profits,
1643
02:05:42,930 --> 02:05:49,390
but to become better
and stronger through work.
1644
02:05:50,540 --> 02:05:52,870
Through thorns to the stars!
1645
02:05:55,130 --> 02:05:58,340
Marshal Antonescu said this:
1646
02:06:00,550 --> 02:06:01,840
with sadness...
1647
02:06:06,600 --> 02:06:08,140
With sadness he said:
1648
02:06:09,520 --> 02:06:13,190
"Everyone steals! Country of thieves."
1649
02:06:15,150 --> 02:06:16,310
He said:
1650
02:06:16,440 --> 02:06:23,150
"What a terrible chaos
in our school, in our family, in our church."
1651
02:06:27,120 --> 02:06:28,700
Dear employees,
1652
02:06:29,200 --> 02:06:31,290
I would like to get to know you better.
1653
02:06:31,500 --> 02:06:35,170
I have a book here
De Humana Physiognomia,
1654
02:06:35,460 --> 02:06:39,880
Giambatista Della Porta,
published in 1586.
1655
02:06:40,050 --> 02:06:46,140
This original edition belonged to
to my friend Umberto Eco.
1656
02:06:47,050 --> 02:06:50,060
Giambatista Della Porta discovered
1657
02:06:50,310 --> 02:06:55,900
that people have the same character,
as in the animals they resemble.
1658
02:06:57,480 --> 02:06:59,070
Where is the robot?
1659
02:06:59,480 --> 02:07:01,030
Come here!
1660
02:07:01,990 --> 02:07:06,160
Stand here and project
These pictures are on the wall.
1661
02:07:06,530 --> 02:07:09,870
Let's look at that person here.
1662
02:07:10,080 --> 02:07:11,330
Young man.
1663
02:07:11,490 --> 02:07:12,950
Vasile.
1664
02:07:13,250 --> 02:07:15,920
See, Vasile looks like...
1665
02:07:18,210 --> 02:07:19,210
Here's to it!
1666
02:07:23,660 --> 02:07:26,630
I'm not like that donkey!
1667
02:07:26,970 --> 02:07:29,510
Absolutely right.
He looks more like this.
1668
02:07:35,980 --> 02:07:38,020
What's your name, girl in the headscarf?
1669
02:07:38,190 --> 02:07:39,450
Ana.
1670
02:07:39,560 --> 02:07:42,280
Ana, you look like...
1671
02:07:42,780 --> 02:07:44,070
That's who!
1672
02:07:48,870 --> 02:07:51,240
- Not at all.
- Don't you like it?
1673
02:07:51,370 --> 02:07:53,200
It just doesn't look like it.
1674
02:07:53,670 --> 02:07:57,300
Let's ask the AI, since we already have it.
1675
02:07:57,790 --> 02:08:00,130
Who does she look like?
1676
02:08:00,670 --> 02:08:02,630
To pussy-kiss-pussy!
1677
02:08:02,800 --> 02:08:04,669
On the pussy!
1678
02:08:04,670 --> 02:08:06,420
Maybe for a cat.
1679
02:08:08,090 --> 02:08:11,429
- What do we do with pussies?
- We remove their claws!
1680
02:08:11,430 --> 02:08:13,220
We declaw them!
1681
02:08:13,390 --> 02:08:18,560
Enough fun, let's be back
back to work! Time is money!
1682
02:08:26,690 --> 02:08:29,320
You're overpaid
a lot for what you do.
1683
02:08:29,490 --> 02:08:31,200
That's what the robot says.
1684
02:08:31,410 --> 02:08:32,620
Really!
1685
02:08:33,030 --> 02:08:35,950
Sorry, I'm trying my best.
1686
02:08:36,120 --> 02:08:38,540
Don't worry, my dear.
1687
02:08:38,710 --> 02:08:41,000
I appreciate your efforts.
1688
02:08:41,210 --> 02:08:44,920
I can accept stupidity, but not insolence.
1689
02:08:45,960 --> 02:08:49,180
So said my uncle, Mircea the Elder,
1690
02:08:49,340 --> 02:08:53,560
to my brother, Radu the Beautiful, before bed.
1691
02:08:53,970 --> 02:08:56,520
But is this fair?
in relation to your colleagues?
1692
02:09:11,410 --> 02:09:14,330
So you speak well
in Romanian? How did you learn it?
1693
02:09:14,700 --> 02:09:16,870
I was born here.
1694
02:09:17,120 --> 02:09:20,870
My father came to Romania as a teenager.
1695
02:09:21,120 --> 02:09:23,750
He was a refugee from Vietnam.
1696
02:09:23,960 --> 02:09:25,590
What does it mean?
1697
02:09:26,380 --> 02:09:29,340
During the war
Romania helped Vietnam.
1698
02:09:29,590 --> 02:09:31,050
She sheltered...
1699
02:09:31,840 --> 02:09:33,760
a lot of children.
1700
02:09:33,930 --> 02:09:36,310
Almost everyone was orphaned during the war.
1701
02:09:36,720 --> 02:09:38,810
Most of them have returned.
1702
02:09:43,270 --> 02:09:44,940
Here's my father.
1703
02:09:45,570 --> 02:09:49,610
Yes, I heard that Romania
sided with the communists.
1704
02:09:49,780 --> 02:09:51,070
Grotesque!
1705
02:09:51,240 --> 02:09:55,450
But even Americans admit
that it was a stupid, useless war.
1706
02:09:55,700 --> 02:09:57,370
With massacres.
1707
02:09:57,740 --> 02:10:00,750
- My Lai Massacre...
- What is Mi Lai?
1708
02:10:02,670 --> 02:10:05,000
Back to work! Vietcong!
1709
02:10:05,290 --> 02:10:07,420
Or I'll take out my AKM!
1710
02:10:07,670 --> 02:10:09,170
Hurry up.
1711
02:10:09,420 --> 02:10:12,590
And we are still marching
1712
02:10:12,880 --> 02:10:17,430
While our battle was going on in the jungle
They walked through the streets to the beat
1713
02:10:18,350 --> 02:10:22,770
While in the mud we are rice
They were preparing our collapse
1714
02:10:23,520 --> 02:10:28,440
While they fed us bullets
They declared defeat for us
1715
02:10:28,900 --> 02:10:32,150
And we are still marching
1716
02:10:35,280 --> 02:10:36,950
Ho Chi Minh!
1717
02:10:43,250 --> 02:10:45,749
What are you doing in my country, heathen?
1718
02:10:45,750 --> 02:10:47,500
Stinky narrow-eyed!
1719
02:10:47,630 --> 02:10:49,630
I have a Romanian passport!
1720
02:10:50,170 --> 02:10:53,880
I told you that my father...
I'll leave if you want!
1721
02:10:53,910 --> 02:10:55,009
I swear!
1722
02:10:55,010 --> 02:10:57,930
You guys are destroying
Christian civilization!
1723
02:10:58,390 --> 02:10:59,850
Not us, Mr. Vlad!
1724
02:10:59,970 --> 02:11:04,350
Muslims!
We are trying to rectify the situation!
1725
02:11:04,600 --> 02:11:07,270
The Chinese are destroying the Uyghurs.
1726
02:11:07,400 --> 02:11:08,820
- Whoa?
- Uighurs!
1727
02:11:08,840 --> 02:11:09,920
Who else is this?
1728
02:11:09,940 --> 02:11:12,780
Myanmar Buddhists
massacre Muslims.
1729
02:11:12,940 --> 02:11:14,030
Rohingya!
1730
02:11:14,200 --> 02:11:17,070
And we are friends of the Orthodox!
1731
02:11:50,730 --> 02:11:52,440
Let them know who's boss!
1732
02:11:59,490 --> 02:12:01,830
From today you will work
1733
02:12:01,990 --> 02:12:05,960
four hours overtime, with pay at 50%.
1734
02:12:06,710 --> 02:12:09,420
- What?
-You can't do that!
1735
02:12:10,250 --> 02:12:13,050
- What's the matter?
- We are very tired!
1736
02:12:13,170 --> 02:12:17,680
Great! This is proof
your efforts and hard work.
1737
02:12:17,970 --> 02:12:22,349
Although you, pussy,
you just play with the mouse.
1738
02:12:22,350 --> 02:12:26,060
The quality of our work is declining.
It's work, not play!
1739
02:12:26,230 --> 02:12:30,230
Only stupid Americans play
who buy our passwords!
1740
02:12:30,400 --> 02:12:32,940
Look, a trade union activist!
1741
02:12:33,110 --> 02:12:36,360
Let's unite into a trade union!
1742
02:12:36,650 --> 02:12:39,360
Don't you see how generous I am?
1743
02:12:39,570 --> 02:12:41,820
I have capital and ideas,
1744
02:12:42,120 --> 02:12:44,120
All you have to do is work!
1745
02:12:44,330 --> 02:12:45,500
Right!
1746
02:12:45,700 --> 02:12:48,540
You can come up with your own ideas.
1747
02:12:48,710 --> 02:12:52,210
I have thousands of business ideas a day.
1748
02:12:52,340 --> 02:12:56,460
Want one for free? Octopus!
1749
02:12:58,260 --> 02:13:01,890
Don't look at me
It was like seeing a dick for the first time.
1750
02:13:02,800 --> 02:13:04,220
Octopus!
1751
02:13:04,470 --> 02:13:08,230
Octopus is a delicacy.
1752
02:13:08,390 --> 02:13:11,020
It sells for a ton of money.
1753
02:13:11,190 --> 02:13:14,610
Buying aquariums
you raise octopuses.
1754
02:13:16,690 --> 02:13:21,820
If you don't understand how to grow,
looking online.
1755
02:13:22,070 --> 02:13:25,790
If you're too dumb
to figure it out myself
1756
02:13:25,950 --> 02:13:28,790
come to me and I will explain.
1757
02:13:29,080 --> 02:13:30,670
1000 euros per month!
1758
02:13:30,790 --> 02:13:34,040
- I'm ready!
- Well done!
1759
02:13:34,880 --> 02:13:37,760
Here, let him raise octopuses!
1760
02:13:37,920 --> 02:13:42,090
You will earn
at least 1000 euros per month!
1761
02:13:42,840 --> 02:13:45,259
And if you don't have such ideas,
1762
02:13:45,260 --> 02:13:49,930
behave yourself
and play games for others.
1763
02:13:50,270 --> 02:13:53,520
The Chinese are hot on our heels!
1764
02:13:53,810 --> 02:13:56,400
Of course they take the population
1765
02:13:56,570 --> 02:13:59,530
but fortune is on our side!
1766
02:13:59,690 --> 02:14:00,900
Is it true!
1767
02:14:04,030 --> 02:14:05,070
Yes, what?
1768
02:14:06,700 --> 02:14:08,540
We want to discuss something.
1769
02:14:08,700 --> 02:14:11,580
Our demands are stated.
1770
02:14:11,830 --> 02:14:14,130
We haven't been paid for so long!
1771
02:14:15,380 --> 02:14:18,550
We don't agree to all this overtime!
1772
02:14:18,670 --> 02:14:21,220
Yes! We will not work for free!
1773
02:14:22,720 --> 02:14:25,510
I believe that you understand
what's best for you.
1774
02:14:26,050 --> 02:14:29,180
And stop this nonsense.
1775
02:14:31,600 --> 02:14:34,270
- Get to work!
- Work more, talk less!
1776
02:14:34,400 --> 02:14:37,570
Work more, talk less!
1777
02:14:38,730 --> 02:14:40,780
But we weren't paid!
1778
02:14:41,570 --> 02:14:45,320
We will occupy this building and refuse to leave!
1779
02:14:45,490 --> 02:14:49,120
- What if Mr. Vlad gets angry?
- What can he do to us?
1780
02:14:49,290 --> 02:14:51,950
Let him lick our balls, that's what!
1781
02:14:52,210 --> 02:14:54,789
He can't handle all of us.
1782
02:14:54,790 --> 02:14:56,750
He can call the police.
1783
02:14:56,920 --> 02:15:00,210
These are not the times of Ceausescu,
grandpa, we have rights!
1784
02:15:00,380 --> 02:15:03,170
Don't let him intimidate us!
1785
02:15:03,300 --> 02:15:06,090
He's a monster! But we will defeat him!
1786
02:15:06,260 --> 02:15:09,140
If we are together, everything will be fine!
1787
02:15:09,850 --> 02:15:11,640
We'll finish it!
1788
02:15:12,970 --> 02:15:14,490
GENERAL STRIKE
1789
02:15:21,320 --> 02:15:24,570
What's new, generation Zzz?
1790
02:15:25,990 --> 02:15:27,700
Do you want to go on strike?
1791
02:15:28,030 --> 02:15:30,660
Strike like in 1933?
1792
02:15:30,950 --> 02:15:33,750
The world has changed, idiots!
1793
02:15:33,910 --> 02:15:35,710
We just want our rights.
1794
02:15:36,040 --> 02:15:39,040
Arbeit macht frei!
(German: “work sets you free”)
1795
02:15:43,010 --> 02:15:46,050
Here's my ultimatum:
you have until 12!
1796
02:15:47,760 --> 02:15:50,220
Or I will start to disperse you!
1797
02:15:51,140 --> 02:15:56,100
From this day on, our company motto is:
1798
02:15:58,270 --> 02:16:00,690
Nihil sine Deo! (Latin for “nothing without God”)
1799
02:16:01,400 --> 02:16:06,610
If Christ died electric
chair, we could all wear it!
1800
02:16:08,030 --> 02:16:10,410
- I like you.
- Come on.
1801
02:16:10,530 --> 02:16:12,200
You're smart.
1802
02:16:12,330 --> 02:16:14,440
I have a gift idea for you:
1803
02:16:14,640 --> 02:16:18,580
knitted sweater with Marx's face
1804
02:16:19,130 --> 02:16:24,260
and the inscription: "Everything I want on
Christmas is a means of production!”
1805
02:16:24,460 --> 02:16:25,800
Capitalist gift!
1806
02:16:25,880 --> 02:16:29,720
Ten seconds! And I will disperse you all!
1807
02:16:30,300 --> 02:16:33,350
- One!
- One, two, three, four!
1808
02:16:33,580 --> 02:16:37,200
Five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten!
1809
02:16:37,230 --> 02:16:38,310
Alien!
1810
02:16:39,100 --> 02:16:40,610
Suck my dick!
1811
02:16:40,810 --> 02:16:43,860
We're not leaving! Go away!
1812
02:16:44,440 --> 02:16:48,150
You will crawl in front of me
1813
02:16:48,280 --> 02:16:51,240
shouting "forgive us, Mr. Vlad!"
1814
02:16:51,370 --> 02:16:54,120
Get out with yours
fucking vampire fangs!
1815
02:16:54,450 --> 02:16:56,830
Suck it with your filthy mouth!
1816
02:17:03,500 --> 02:17:06,920
Return to your seats!
1817
02:17:20,600 --> 02:17:23,270
- Follow me!
- What is he saying?
1818
02:17:27,530 --> 02:17:28,740
What the...?
1819
02:17:29,110 --> 02:17:31,240
I'm scared.
1820
02:17:32,200 --> 02:17:33,820
Mehr Licht! (German: "more light")
1821
02:17:34,080 --> 02:17:36,660
What is this, a tetradrachm?
1822
02:17:36,830 --> 02:17:38,660
Faster, cross!
1823
02:17:38,870 --> 02:17:41,290
Yes, he has it in his hands! Mr. Vlad's!
1824
02:17:41,870 --> 02:17:45,040
Dracula! Let's call him by name!
1825
02:17:45,380 --> 02:17:48,670
Vampire! Nosferatu!
Satan holds the cross!
1826
02:17:48,920 --> 02:17:52,640
Mehr Licht! Yes, my children!
1827
02:17:52,930 --> 02:17:56,100
Right! Rise up!
1828
02:17:58,810 --> 02:18:00,730
Mehr Licht!
1829
02:18:01,060 --> 02:18:03,770
Come, my soldiers!
1830
02:18:04,060 --> 02:18:06,070
Yes, my children!
1831
02:18:06,190 --> 02:18:07,940
Come to me!
1832
02:18:09,900 --> 02:18:11,779
- Zombie!
- Ghosts!
1833
02:18:11,780 --> 02:18:15,660
The soldiers who shot
to the strikers in 1933!
1834
02:18:15,780 --> 02:18:16,990
What kind of strikers?
1835
02:18:17,120 --> 02:18:21,040
The strike was drowned in blood.
This place is cursed.
1836
02:18:21,290 --> 02:18:24,170
They're back
to shoot us again.
1837
02:18:24,310 --> 02:18:25,710
Weren't they the Bolsheviks?
1838
02:18:40,770 --> 02:18:42,350
Fuck you, Dracula!
1839
02:18:55,160 --> 02:18:58,990
The end will be long, but beautiful!
1840
02:19:17,340 --> 02:19:18,550
No!
1841
02:19:34,030 --> 02:19:36,280
Come here!
1842
02:19:47,880 --> 02:19:49,380
Help!
1843
02:19:51,000 --> 02:19:53,260
Capitalist killers!
1844
02:19:53,380 --> 02:19:55,090
Vampires!
1845
02:19:58,140 --> 02:20:00,970
Fucking vampires!
1846
02:20:01,140 --> 02:20:03,060
To hell with you all!
1847
02:20:15,990 --> 02:20:17,610
Oh shit.
1848
02:20:36,840 --> 02:20:40,390
Where are you, union pussy?
1849
02:20:41,470 --> 02:20:43,100
Kiss-kiss-kiss!
1850
02:20:44,720 --> 02:20:46,390
I'm leaving!
1851
02:20:50,810 --> 02:20:53,320
This is the end...
1852
02:20:55,730 --> 02:20:57,860
Eat my dick.
1853
02:21:06,660 --> 02:21:11,130
I hope the audience noticed
that at least the movie is called "Dracula"
1854
02:21:11,290 --> 02:21:16,420
it is larger in structure
reminds me of Frankenstein's monster.
1855
02:21:16,670 --> 02:21:18,220
Pieced together.
1856
02:21:18,670 --> 02:21:22,600
I wanted to call him
"Frankenstein", but changed his mind.
1857
02:21:22,850 --> 02:21:24,969
Okay. It's confusing.
1858
02:21:24,970 --> 02:21:27,520
But I still regret it.
It would be more subtle.
1859
02:21:52,700 --> 02:21:54,790
- Sandu, my boy!
- Hello.
1860
02:21:54,920 --> 02:21:57,630
Were those stinking Confederates after you?
1861
02:21:57,960 --> 02:22:01,430
- Yes. Where are they?
- Everywhere.
1862
02:22:05,010 --> 02:22:07,890
Can you shelter us for a couple of hours?
1863
02:22:08,560 --> 02:22:09,730
I don't know...
1864
02:22:09,930 --> 02:22:11,910
Homemade plum brandy.
1865
02:22:12,940 --> 02:22:14,810
Everything will heal.
1866
02:22:15,650 --> 02:22:17,110
Isn't that right, Zamolxis?
1867
02:22:19,490 --> 02:22:20,610
So delicious!
1868
02:22:20,780 --> 02:22:23,820
Like herbal liqueurs
which are made in monasteries.
1869
02:22:24,450 --> 02:22:25,490
To your health.
1870
02:22:26,240 --> 02:22:29,410
Drink to the bottom - you won’t wake up alone!
1871
02:22:33,500 --> 02:22:35,330
No one will find you here.
1872
02:22:35,500 --> 02:22:38,130
I'll make you cheese and cream.
1873
02:22:50,560 --> 02:22:51,930
Voila!
1874
02:22:52,390 --> 02:22:54,690
I must finish him off with the hammer.
1875
02:22:54,850 --> 02:22:56,650
We discussed this before.
1876
02:22:56,900 --> 02:22:59,530
My wife and I will finish him off.
1877
02:22:59,650 --> 02:23:01,400
Just like Nosferatu from 1979
1878
02:23:01,610 --> 02:23:05,110
version by Werner Herzog,
with Kinski and Adjani.
1879
02:23:05,860 --> 02:23:09,240
I know you want to know if they'll survive
1880
02:23:09,410 --> 02:23:13,040
but first one more thing
a little digression!
1881
02:23:13,250 --> 02:23:15,870
Like in "Jacques the Fatalist" by Diderot.
1882
02:23:16,540 --> 02:23:18,630
Dear artificial intelligence,
1883
02:23:18,790 --> 02:23:22,010
our audience may
tired of vampires
1884
02:23:22,210 --> 02:23:27,800
murders, satanic priests, stakes,
and wants another love story.
1885
02:23:28,120 --> 02:23:32,980
13. A TALE OF TALES (1878)
(according to Ion Creanga)
1886
02:23:34,640 --> 02:23:37,310
Once upon a time there lived a peasant in a village.
1887
02:23:37,480 --> 02:23:41,940
One day he went to sow corn.
1888
02:23:42,110 --> 02:23:48,320
As fate would have it, we passed by
Christ and Saint Peter
1889
02:23:48,450 --> 02:23:52,370
Do you think Christ could
keep silent and go your own way?
1890
02:23:53,000 --> 02:23:54,660
Are you sowing wheat, good man?
1891
02:23:54,830 --> 02:23:56,370
Shit! Since you asked!
1892
02:23:56,680 --> 02:23:59,630
If you talk about dicks, you'll reap dicks!
1893
02:24:04,130 --> 02:24:07,510
At harvest time instead of corn
1894
02:24:07,680 --> 02:24:11,060
3-4 dicks grew on each stem
1895
02:24:11,680 --> 02:24:15,480
one is more cocky and proud than the other!
1896
02:24:15,730 --> 02:24:17,270
Your mother!
1897
02:24:17,640 --> 02:24:20,480
All my summer work was in vain!
1898
02:24:20,810 --> 02:24:23,650
I never did!
1899
02:24:23,780 --> 02:24:26,200
Fuck it with a horse!
1900
02:24:26,530 --> 02:24:28,820
What should I do?
1901
02:24:29,320 --> 02:24:33,240
So blessed, so blessed!
1902
02:24:39,500 --> 02:24:41,630
Hello, good man!
1903
02:24:41,960 --> 02:24:45,260
Burn everything with fire, eat everything with a horse!
1904
02:24:46,090 --> 02:24:49,760
Why do you express yourself so rudely, young man?
1905
02:24:50,050 --> 02:24:53,929
And even in front of an elderly woman!
1906
02:24:53,930 --> 02:24:58,600
Don't you see, auntie,
How did God laugh at my work?
1907
02:24:59,020 --> 02:25:01,809
Like a harvest from dicks
will save me from poverty?
1908
02:25:01,810 --> 02:25:05,230
Look at the field, how do you like it?
1909
02:25:05,780 --> 02:25:09,910
My God, my dear boy!
1910
02:25:10,530 --> 02:25:14,410
“I’ve never seen anything like this in my life.”
- Oh, if only these, auntie!
1911
02:25:14,660 --> 02:25:19,250
But there are thousands of them, damn them!
1912
02:25:19,540 --> 02:25:21,500
I'll go hang myself!
1913
02:25:22,210 --> 02:25:25,750
One dick is harder than the other -
and so on until the horizon!
1914
02:25:26,130 --> 02:25:28,340
Hang in there, honey.
1915
02:25:28,510 --> 02:25:34,640
How do you know
that this is not God's grace?
1916
02:25:34,760 --> 02:25:38,140
I wouldn't want one like that
grace to your enemies.
1917
02:25:38,270 --> 02:25:43,360
Where was this heard?
Dick for breakfast instead of corn?
1918
02:25:43,480 --> 02:25:48,570
Milok, let me give you a hint,
how to get rid of them.
1919
02:25:48,780 --> 02:25:53,530
And earn a hundred times more
than you would get from corn.
1920
02:25:53,820 --> 02:25:56,370
- What would you give for this?
- Name your price, aunt.
1921
02:25:56,740 --> 02:26:00,540
I'll give you whatever you ask
and a pack of dicks to boot.
1922
02:26:00,830 --> 02:26:05,500
Put them in your cart
and take it to the market.
1923
02:26:05,790 --> 02:26:08,260
They will be sold
like hot cakes!
1924
02:26:08,530 --> 02:26:13,930
But I'll have to give it up
decency and explain
1925
02:26:14,220 --> 02:26:17,810
how about your customers
you need to use them.
1926
02:26:17,970 --> 02:26:21,060
Tell me, please.
1927
02:26:21,350 --> 02:26:28,400
When they want dick
they must whistle like shepherds.
1928
02:26:36,620 --> 02:26:40,660
And then pray
that your butt won't crack!
1929
02:26:43,710 --> 02:26:44,830
Fathers!
1930
02:26:47,960 --> 02:26:50,790
And when they are satisfied,
1931
02:26:50,820 --> 02:26:55,970
should say:
"Whoa, you insatiable beast!"
1932
02:26:56,260 --> 02:27:01,060
Then he will go limp and that will be the end of it.
1933
02:27:09,900 --> 02:27:12,110
Let's!
1934
02:27:12,440 --> 02:27:14,660
Come on, darling!
1935
02:27:14,820 --> 02:27:17,620
Where did you learn this craft, aunt?
1936
02:27:17,740 --> 02:27:19,990
Don't worry, boy!
1937
02:27:20,370 --> 02:27:23,460
Where the devil collected sawdust
1938
02:27:23,790 --> 02:27:25,750
I once sawed logs!
1939
02:27:25,920 --> 02:27:31,840
So don't ask!
Just be grateful.
1940
02:27:33,420 --> 02:27:36,300
Come buy!
1941
02:27:36,430 --> 02:27:40,510
Hard as a branch
Note to all ladies!
1942
02:27:41,060 --> 02:27:43,980
Come buy!
1943
02:27:45,140 --> 02:27:50,650
Ugly peasant, how can you
say that in front of a poor widow?
1944
02:27:51,190 --> 02:27:55,240
I will order you to be beaten like this
that they will carry you home feet first!
1945
02:27:55,360 --> 02:27:59,660
Honorable Madam,
I'm very sorry.
1946
02:27:59,870 --> 02:28:03,700
Since God gave me a harvest of dicks,
1947
02:28:03,870 --> 02:28:08,830
I'm trying to sell them
for need consumes me.
1948
02:28:09,040 --> 02:28:12,919
Are you out of your mind? What are you babbling?
1949
02:28:12,920 --> 02:28:16,930
Fear God, madam,
I'm telling the honest truth.
1950
02:28:17,050 --> 02:28:19,470
Try it yourself if you don't believe me.
1951
02:28:19,760 --> 02:28:24,430
How did they get me?
Fuck pound them!
1952
02:28:24,600 --> 02:28:29,610
If I were a woman, I would keep it for myself.
1953
02:28:30,220 --> 02:28:32,480
This is no time for jokes, madam!
1954
02:28:32,940 --> 02:28:35,610
I worked like hell all summer,
1955
02:28:35,740 --> 02:28:39,740
and now they want to beat you up!
1956
02:28:39,910 --> 02:28:43,990
I would give him this cross...
everyone is taking me for a fool!
1957
02:28:44,490 --> 02:28:48,210
You disgusting, nasty peasant!
1958
02:28:48,960 --> 02:28:50,830
Go to hell!
1959
02:28:51,210 --> 02:28:53,960
Come buy!
1960
02:28:53,990 --> 02:28:56,070
- Hard as a branch...
- Actually...
1961
02:28:57,050 --> 02:29:00,260
How is it used?
1962
02:29:00,430 --> 02:29:05,430
I don’t need it myself, God knows!
1963
02:29:05,850 --> 02:29:08,350
But what a curiosity!
1964
02:29:08,520 --> 02:29:15,280
Madam, forgive me,
but if a friend wants,
1965
02:29:15,440 --> 02:29:19,150
you just need to whistle
as shepherds do.
1966
02:29:20,990 --> 02:29:25,580
And get ready for a glorious ride!
1967
02:29:25,860 --> 02:29:30,660
And when you are satisfied, you should say:
1968
02:29:31,040 --> 02:29:34,290
"Whoa, you insatiable beast!"
1969
02:29:34,590 --> 02:29:39,510
In the blink of an eye he will soften,
like a snake in water.
1970
02:29:40,000 --> 02:29:43,010
And so every time it’s ready.
1971
02:29:43,180 --> 02:29:45,970
I fell through the ground
if you don't like it!
1972
02:29:46,180 --> 02:29:50,890
Plague strike you, peasant,
this is Satan speaking in you.
1973
02:29:53,810 --> 02:29:56,980
I'll step behind your counter for a minute.
1974
02:29:57,280 --> 02:30:00,990
Then the lady whistled,
1975
02:30:01,200 --> 02:30:05,070
and the dick dived straight into her crack.
1976
02:30:05,080 --> 02:30:08,160
The work has begun,
and the lady couldn’t be happier.
1977
02:30:08,290 --> 02:30:11,790
As they say: thick
You can't scare an old woman with a dick.
1978
02:30:11,960 --> 02:30:17,340
Laying quietly like a lamb
under the mother's tits.
1979
02:30:17,960 --> 02:30:20,050
What a filly:
1980
02:30:20,220 --> 02:30:22,830
Ducks walk around the village,
Little gray ones, quack.
1981
02:30:22,860 --> 02:30:25,220
My darling is being fucked
Only the earrings jingle.
1982
02:30:25,430 --> 02:30:28,099
Finally, when she was satisfied,
1983
02:30:28,100 --> 02:30:31,230
Then she whispered:
"Whoa, you insatiable beast!"
1984
02:30:31,400 --> 02:30:35,190
The dick goes limp and slap! - fell to the ground.
1985
02:30:35,810 --> 02:30:39,900
Mistress picked him up
and kissed the very tip.
1986
02:30:41,650 --> 02:30:43,240
Tell me, peasant,
1987
02:30:45,740 --> 02:30:48,740
who gave you this harvest?
1988
02:30:49,750 --> 02:30:52,550
Isn't it Christ and Saint Peter?
1989
02:30:53,040 --> 02:30:55,630
Only they are capable of such miracles!
1990
02:30:55,750 --> 02:30:58,000
I don't know this, madam.
1991
02:30:58,170 --> 02:31:03,180
God and Devil, fuck them until dawn!
1992
02:31:03,550 --> 02:31:05,720
Sorry for my dirty mouth.
1993
02:31:06,390 --> 02:31:09,060
If everything is as you say,
1994
02:31:09,680 --> 02:31:11,810
I believe this is the hand of the Lord.
1995
02:31:12,060 --> 02:31:15,560
I'll give my respects to this one
God's unprecedented grace,
1996
02:31:15,590 --> 02:31:20,830
and, perhaps, I’ll buy one... like this.
1997
02:31:21,440 --> 02:31:23,360
Suddenly this is a good sign.
1998
02:31:23,530 --> 02:31:25,240
Are you talking about dicks, mistress?
1999
02:31:25,450 --> 02:31:28,779
Eat them if you want
I love saying it out loud.
2000
02:31:28,780 --> 02:31:33,250
That's what we commoners say,
I'm sorry.
2001
02:31:34,040 --> 02:31:38,290
But if everything is as you say,
The ways of the Lord are mysterious.
2002
02:31:38,540 --> 02:31:39,540
What the hell?
2003
02:31:39,710 --> 02:31:43,300
He has nothing more important to do
how to plant dicks on stems?
2004
02:31:43,670 --> 02:31:48,220
God probably has
fucking huge dick!
2005
02:31:48,600 --> 02:31:52,470
So, madam. Are you buying?
2006
02:31:53,930 --> 02:31:56,690
And how much for this vile little thing?
2007
02:31:57,150 --> 02:31:59,560
Not everything that God sends is a gift from God.
2008
02:31:59,820 --> 02:32:01,690
I don’t even know, madam...
2009
02:32:01,980 --> 02:32:05,899
Let's not bargain
500 lei, and the thing is yours.
2010
02:32:05,900 --> 02:32:09,740
500? Aren't you insolent, peasant?
2011
02:32:09,870 --> 02:32:15,790
Yes, my balls are sweating,
while I was collecting these dicks!
2012
02:32:16,000 --> 02:32:21,090
If you don't pay, what do I need?
to expect from village beggars?
2013
02:32:21,550 --> 02:32:26,550
They'll want a dozen
for a copper, and five more to boot!
2014
02:32:27,760 --> 02:32:29,510
Good lady!
2015
02:32:30,850 --> 02:32:33,720
Be the first buyer!
2016
02:32:33,850 --> 02:32:39,150
Dick will serve you so well, thank you
tell me and recommend it to your friends!
2017
02:32:39,650 --> 02:32:42,770
Okay, you're such a scoundrel.
2018
02:32:42,980 --> 02:32:45,490
- 500 lei.
- Madam!..
2019
02:32:49,990 --> 02:32:56,580
After this incident, any ailment
the lady treated with one remedy.
2020
02:32:56,870 --> 02:33:00,880
She never had to again
come to terms with what happened!
2021
02:33:01,380 --> 02:33:06,920
She took good care
about your old age.
2022
02:33:07,420 --> 02:33:09,800
But one day...
2023
02:33:13,040 --> 02:33:15,870
- God bless you, father.
- Bless you, my daughter.
2024
02:33:15,890 --> 02:33:18,390
I have come to drive the devils out of you.
2025
02:33:18,520 --> 02:33:21,940
Sit down and I'll bring you a drink.
2026
02:33:22,610 --> 02:33:26,190
When You, Lord,
baptized into Jordan...
2027
02:33:26,320 --> 02:33:30,660
O Lord, teach me your commandments...
2028
02:33:30,910 --> 02:33:34,030
And protect this house from all harm,
2029
02:33:34,200 --> 02:33:36,620
for You alone are without sin...
2030
02:33:41,250 --> 02:33:44,880
- When You, O Lord, were...
- Father?
2031
02:33:46,800 --> 02:33:48,590
Forward!
2032
02:33:48,760 --> 02:33:52,090
Go, Silver, go!
2033
02:33:56,470 --> 02:33:58,220
Oh, you old nag!
2034
02:34:11,860 --> 02:34:17,410
Lord, do not let your servant
become the devil's toy!
2035
02:34:22,170 --> 02:34:26,130
And so the priest began to kick and moan,
2036
02:34:26,460 --> 02:34:29,880
like oxen that don’t want
pull a heavy cart
2037
02:34:30,010 --> 02:34:31,420
But it was all in vain.
2038
02:34:31,590 --> 02:34:35,890
The priest prays
screams, spins,
2039
02:34:36,100 --> 02:34:40,020
but even a cassock won’t save you from a hard dick.
2040
02:34:44,100 --> 02:34:46,110
How nice!
2041
02:34:47,610 --> 02:34:49,070
Yes, yes!
2042
02:34:52,240 --> 02:34:53,530
Yes!
2043
02:34:53,910 --> 02:34:57,490
A truly wonderful love story!
2044
02:34:57,870 --> 02:35:02,370
Even better than Daphnis and Chloe
or Heloise and Abelard.
2045
02:35:03,870 --> 02:35:07,670
Of course, I condemn all this obscenity.
2046
02:35:08,000 --> 02:35:09,920
I am not responsible for this.
2047
02:35:11,380 --> 02:35:14,180
Now let's get back to my fugitives.
2048
02:35:14,380 --> 02:35:16,850
Let's see if I let them escape!
2049
02:36:29,750 --> 02:36:33,050
Dear Doctor AI Judex 0.0,
2050
02:36:33,510 --> 02:36:36,550
what would they look like
Dracula's social networks?
2051
02:36:36,840 --> 02:36:39,680
— Now I’ll show you an example.
- Cool.
2052
02:36:41,370 --> 02:36:43,160
14. TIKTOK DRACULA
2053
02:36:45,180 --> 02:36:50,770
Too often you thought only
about wealth and power!
2054
02:36:51,030 --> 02:36:54,940
Too often our nation has been brought
to ridicule and shame
2055
02:36:55,280 --> 02:37:00,120
The tongue has been mocked too often
and the customs of this race!
2056
02:37:00,240 --> 02:37:05,660
Now your ridicule disgraces yourself!
2057
02:37:06,500 --> 02:37:10,880
When you were attracted only to "I"
and sang forever
2058
02:37:11,080 --> 02:37:16,550
Good? It's an empty word and I'm tired of it!
2059
02:37:18,220 --> 02:37:22,680
Oh, give in ancient writings
to rest for the tired fathers
2060
02:37:22,930 --> 02:37:27,890
Their gaze is one of irony
I would probably meet you.
2061
02:37:28,180 --> 02:37:34,480
Oh Dracula, rise and divide without time
2062
02:37:34,820 --> 02:37:39,900
Madmen and rogues into two equal tribes
2063
02:37:40,070 --> 02:37:43,320
Imprison them, depriving them of their freedom once again
2064
02:37:43,580 --> 02:37:47,750
And from a single spark the shelter was set on fire!
2065
02:38:01,890 --> 02:38:03,600
Catch him! Here it is!
2066
02:38:12,310 --> 02:38:14,110
Help, please!
2067
02:38:18,280 --> 02:38:19,899
I have to kill him!
2068
02:38:19,900 --> 02:38:22,819
Mister Adonis, it's not fair
we all paid.
2069
02:38:22,820 --> 02:38:27,080
Dear, we have here
guests from Austria and the USA.
2070
02:38:27,240 --> 02:38:29,790
Let's do it like in "Murder"
on the Orient Express."
2071
02:38:30,000 --> 02:38:32,120
- In terms of?
- Everyone will hit.
2072
02:38:32,710 --> 02:38:35,880
Brilliant idea! Anyone can hit.
2073
02:38:36,040 --> 02:38:38,550
- Fine!
- Then I'll start.
2074
02:38:39,340 --> 02:38:40,800
Hammer! Witches Hammer.
2075
02:38:43,470 --> 02:38:44,550
Yes!
2076
02:38:49,310 --> 02:38:50,680
Cumshot!
2077
02:38:52,060 --> 02:38:53,310
Come on, bitch!
2078
02:39:00,610 --> 02:39:02,030
Be gone, Satan!
2079
02:39:02,200 --> 02:39:04,030
Be gone, Dracula!
2080
02:39:07,660 --> 02:39:09,330
Piece of shit!
2081
02:39:11,750 --> 02:39:13,330
This is garbage!
2082
02:39:25,970 --> 02:39:32,640
Wittgenstein in Philosophical
research" has an epigraph:
2083
02:39:33,350 --> 02:39:35,350
"The essence of progress is
2084
02:39:36,100 --> 02:39:39,570
what feels bigger
than it really is."
2085
02:39:56,120 --> 02:39:59,880
I couldn't finish without asking our AI
2086
02:40:00,000 --> 02:40:02,050
tell another story.
2087
02:40:02,170 --> 02:40:07,260
Let's stage the news
which best reflects our times.
2088
02:40:07,390 --> 02:40:08,640
Hard choice.
2089
02:40:08,760 --> 02:40:12,390
War in Ukraine, October 7,
massacre in Gaza
2090
02:40:12,600 --> 02:40:17,310
technofascism of the Trump regime,
growing inequality...
2091
02:40:17,570 --> 02:40:18,680
What to choose?
2092
02:40:19,620 --> 02:40:20,810
Something local.
2093
02:40:20,820 --> 02:40:24,030
For example, the biography of a garbage man.
2094
02:40:24,400 --> 02:40:26,320
Great. Let's get started.
2095
02:40:27,660 --> 02:40:30,120
Well, enjoy and goodbye!
2096
02:40:30,620 --> 02:40:32,240
To quote Ion Kreang:
2097
02:40:32,410 --> 02:40:36,540
"Dear reader, it must be
you have read a lot of nonsense in your life.
2098
02:40:36,790 --> 02:40:39,170
Please read this too
2099
02:40:39,460 --> 02:40:42,380
and if there is something you don't like,
2100
02:40:42,630 --> 02:40:46,010
take up the pen and write something better,
2101
02:40:46,170 --> 02:40:49,760
because I did everything I could."
2102
02:40:51,320 --> 02:40:56,000
TRUE LIFE STORY
2103
02:41:29,300 --> 02:41:32,550
- We can't take it away.
- What are you doing?
2104
02:41:33,140 --> 02:41:36,220
Construction waste is not our concern.
2105
02:41:36,350 --> 02:41:37,430
What did you say?
2106
02:41:37,560 --> 02:41:42,059
We do not collect construction waste
household waste only.
2107
02:41:42,060 --> 02:41:43,769
What do you think this is?
2108
02:41:43,770 --> 02:41:45,900
No, it's full of construction waste!
2109
02:41:46,190 --> 02:41:49,650
How dare you look into my tanks?
2110
02:41:49,900 --> 02:41:51,860
This is private property!
2111
02:41:51,990 --> 02:41:56,120
- I'll call the police.
- Great, they will fine you!
2112
02:41:56,370 --> 02:41:57,580
Yes, let it be.
2113
02:41:57,790 --> 02:42:02,000
Do you want to say something?
Do you even know who I am?
2114
02:42:02,420 --> 02:42:06,130
There's a damn cubic meter of books between us!
2115
02:42:06,420 --> 02:42:09,170
- Damn redneck!
- We are not rednecks.
2116
02:42:09,340 --> 02:42:11,679
- Do you know who I am?
- No!
2117
02:42:11,680 --> 02:42:14,470
My parents were art historians!
2118
02:42:14,600 --> 02:42:17,520
My father was a specialist
according to the "Trecento" artists!
2119
02:42:17,640 --> 02:42:19,930
- I can rightfully appreciate...
- Hands off!
2120
02:42:20,100 --> 02:42:22,690
...the syllable Jacopone da Todi!
2121
02:42:24,060 --> 02:42:26,730
Lyrics of goliards - Cecco Angiolieri!
2122
02:42:26,860 --> 02:42:28,530
What is he saying?
2123
02:42:28,860 --> 02:42:32,360
Or "Faceti" by Poggio! Yes, madam!
2124
02:42:32,490 --> 02:42:34,570
- Poggio, that's right.
- Poggio Bracciolini!
2125
02:42:34,700 --> 02:42:39,330
I didn't lock myself in the bathroom
with porn magazines like you wankers.
2126
02:42:39,910 --> 02:42:43,620
I took “Laelius, or About Friendship” with me!
2127
02:42:55,770 --> 02:42:59,390
Drop me here
I'll catch up in an hour or two.
2128
02:42:59,600 --> 02:43:01,850
- What time is it?
- Nine o'clock.
2129
02:43:24,370 --> 02:43:27,960
“I asked you not to come like that!”
- I didn’t have time to change clothes.
2130
02:43:28,000 --> 02:43:30,460
- They will laugh at me!
- I'll stay here.
2131
02:43:30,630 --> 02:43:31,710
I told you I didn't...
2132
02:43:31,840 --> 02:43:32,880
Laura!
2133
02:43:37,850 --> 02:43:41,430
Oh, Prince Dracula, read the message
(sorrowful word about our homeland):
2134
02:43:41,460 --> 02:43:44,950
People shackled by the poverty of suffering,
Hope rejected forever harsh.
2135
02:43:45,020 --> 02:43:48,150
We are robbed, trampled into the mud,
In masks of vile faces -
2136
02:43:48,400 --> 02:43:52,650
They are being driven away from their own home.
Tell me, what would you do, leader?
2137
02:43:52,990 --> 02:43:55,700
Oh, Prince Dracula, listen from on high
To the prayer of our lamentations:
2138
02:43:55,860 --> 02:43:59,150
Let's go to our land, the last answer,
Send the heir to your domain!
2139
02:43:59,240 --> 02:44:02,370
The oppression has lasted too long,
Known to you for a long time;
2140
02:44:02,540 --> 02:44:05,960
Until he calls us to heroic deeds,
Tell me, where would your gaze go?
2141
02:44:06,120 --> 02:44:10,840
And if life is only love
And the purpose of life is only to love
2142
02:44:11,630 --> 02:44:16,550
And I proudly call it, without hiding,
With my names in this world I am unsteady!
2143
02:44:16,680 --> 02:44:20,100
- What's the matter?
— My daughter is performing.
2144
02:44:20,760 --> 02:44:24,140
- Who is your daughter?
— Paraskiv Laura, 3rd grade.
2145
02:44:25,020 --> 02:44:27,020
Never seen me?
2146
02:44:27,310 --> 02:44:30,400
- No.
— Sometimes I bring her to school.
2147
02:44:31,110 --> 02:44:34,240
“Then why don’t you come in?”
- You know...
2148
02:44:34,610 --> 02:44:37,150
My uniform will embarrass her.
2149
02:44:37,320 --> 02:44:41,660
I didn't have time to change my clothes
I work from 5 am.
2150
02:44:41,950 --> 02:44:44,950
So I'm standing here. Children are children.
2151
02:44:46,660 --> 02:44:49,540
Her mother is very sick in the hospital.
2152
02:44:50,540 --> 02:44:53,170
Move further away, towards the swing.
2153
02:44:53,380 --> 02:44:56,300
They saw you from the secretary's office,
2154
02:44:56,470 --> 02:44:58,220
the director won't like it.
2155
02:44:58,380 --> 02:44:59,970
Yes, okay.
2156
02:45:00,850 --> 02:45:02,140
Even further!
2157
02:45:04,390 --> 02:45:09,690
Love and anger will spin our world
We believe in ourselves most of all
2158
02:45:09,900 --> 02:45:15,650
The Dove of Peace will make friends with everyone
We don’t want to fight anywhere
2159
02:45:16,190 --> 02:45:21,370
We are the new generation, flowers of life
Very soon you will hear us
2160
02:45:21,870 --> 02:45:26,160
The best delight for the heart,
go for a walk in the snow.
2161
02:45:26,410 --> 02:45:30,370
Find a lost shelter
where comfort didn’t look through the windows.
2162
02:45:30,710 --> 02:45:34,710
And the fir trees slip past,
Don’t feel sorry for your sleigh.
2163
02:45:35,210 --> 02:45:39,220
Secretly in the silver silence,
the trees were covered with silver.
2164
02:45:39,630 --> 02:45:43,470
And the light that walks around the forest,
gives roses a blooming dream.
2165
02:45:43,600 --> 02:45:47,770
But the poor twilight is fading, melting.
The flow of nights keeps coming.
2166
02:45:47,930 --> 02:45:51,730
The hills rise in silent peace,
the road to the secret, wonderful.
2167
02:45:52,020 --> 02:45:56,530
An abandoned well in a clearing,
will give a dark glow.
2168
02:45:56,940 --> 02:46:00,570
Your spirit, full of forebodings, trembled,
you feel confused.
2169
02:46:00,700 --> 02:46:05,120
On the way, carrying with me like a burden
a piece of their sad power.
2170
02:46:05,410 --> 02:46:09,830
Drawn by a secret, dark will,
your gaze was stolen by a mournful cold,
2171
02:46:10,330 --> 02:46:15,920
Only you are alone with your melancholy
and with a thirst that sometimes cannot be quenched.
2172
02:46:16,090 --> 02:46:19,880
Fortunately, what was lurking in the distance,
And because it didn’t come true again.
2173
02:46:20,050 --> 02:46:22,800
And according to what happened -
now it has gone forever into the grave.
2174
02:46:23,180 --> 02:46:24,470
Bravo!